“Samo jednom se živi! Ne, samo jednom umiremo, a živimo svaki dan…”
Kada bi grobovi progovorili / If the graves would speak up
Dosta je bilo besramne buke
Dosta je bilo svađa i bruke
Dosta, prekinite, zaustavite
Svoj ponos, zaustavite svoju gordost
Obuzdajte svoje strasti
Prekinite sa mržnjama, politikama, laži
Prekinite sa upiranjem prstima
Bar jednom dostojanstveno stanite
I deci pokažite
Šta znači odgovoran biti
Šta znači časno živeti
Mi smo sada istinski slobodni
A u kom kovčegu vaša sloboda leži?
/
Enough of the shameless noise
There were enough fights and disgrace
Enough, cut it out, stop it
Your pride, stop your ego
Curb your passions
Stop with hatred, politics, lies
Stop pointing fingers
Stand with dignity at least once
And show the children
What it means to be responsible
What it means to live honorably
We are now truly free
But in which coffin does your freedom lie?
Gde je tu Duša? / Where is the Soul in all that?
Ni u okruženju ni u nasleđu ne mogu pronaći pravi instrument koji me je oblikovao, onaj bezimeni valjak koji je na moj život utisnuo izvesni zamršeni vodeni žig, čija neponovljiva šara postaje vidljiva tek kada kroz arak života propustimo svetlo umetnosti.
Vladimir Nabokov – Govor, sećanja (iz knjige “Kod duše”, Džejms Hilman)
Ne znam da li sam usamljena u tome, ali kada sam bila mala devojčica imala sam osećaj kao da živim u nekom paralelnom svetu. U nekim trenucima dok sam sama i zaokupljena nečim, osetila bih skoro pa prisustvo nečega što nije opipljivo. Ja sam to doživljavala kao magiju, kao ples sa nečim prelepim što mi pripada, a nije materijalno. To su momenti u kojima vreme ne prolazi, tiho je i skoro sveto. Vuklo me je nešto da razgledam, a kasnije i čitam knjige ne baš svojstvene deci: rečnike, enciklopedije, priručnike, biografije, istorijske knjige. Sve o čoveku me je zanimalo. O njegovom postanku, o životu na Zemlji, o smislu i svrsi postojanja.
Znala sam oduvek da postoji nešto više od golog života, i što sam se više udaljavala od tog mističnog jezgra, život mi je imao sve manje smisla. Kao da me je u nekom trenutku neko otrgao iz tog čarobnog sveta. Počela sam da se vezujem za materiju i osetila sav užas i besmisao takvog života i to me je mučilo, kao da sam i sama proživljavale sav taj pad čovečnosti i duhovnosti kroz koji su prolazili ljudi kroz vekova, pa sve do sadašnjeg trenutka.
Ne govorim o razlogu življenja, smislu života uopšte ili o filozofiji nekog religijskog vjeruju. Knjiga ne pretenduje da pruži odgovore na takva pitanja. Ona se obraća osećanju svakog od nas da postoji opravdanje za to što moja jedinstvena, neponovljiva ličnost postoji u ovom svetu, te da ima stvari koje nadilaze svakodnevicu i za koje se moram pobrinuti kako bi ta svakodnevica dobila razlog postojanja; osećanju da svet na neki način želi da ja budem tu, da sam odgovoran za jednu urođenu predstavu čije obrise popunjavam u sopstvenoj biografiji.
Džejms Hilman, Kod duše
Tek sada se ponovo osećam kao izraz božanskog koji je tu sa razlogom. Ponovo se povezujem sa svojom dušom koja zna sve puteve i nepogrešivo me vodi do smisla. Lepo je na tom putu imati saveznike i male podsetnike koji me korak po korak približavaju sebi.
/
Neither in the environment nor in the heritage can I find the right instrument that shaped me, that nameless roller that has pressed upon my life a certain intricate watermark, whose unique design becomes visible only when we let the light of art shine through life’s foolscap.
Vladimir Nabokov – Speak, Memory (from the book “The Soul’s Code”, James Hillman)
I’m not sure that I am lonely in this, but when I was a little girl I felt like I was living in a parallel world. In some moments while I am alone and preoccupied with something, I would almost feel the presence of something that is not tangible. I experienced it as magic, as a dance with something beautiful that belongs to me, and it is not material. These are moments when time does not pass, it is quiet and almost sacred. I was drawn to observe and later to read the books that are not very typical for children: dictionaries, encyclopedias, manuals, biographies, history books. Everything about humans interested me. I was eager to learn about human’s origin, about life on Earth, about the meaning and purpose of existence.
I always knew that there was something more than a bare life, and the further I moved away from that mystical core, the less meaning my life had. It was as if at some point someone had pooled me out of that magical world. I began to attach myself to matter and felt all the horror and meaninglessness of such a life, and it tormented me, as if I myself had experienced all that decline of humanity and spirituality that people have gone through throughout the centuries, until the present moment.
I’m not talking about the reason for living, the meaning of life in general or the philosophy of a religious believing. The book does not pretend to provide answers to such questions. It addresses the feeling of each of us that there is a justification for my unique, unrepeatable personality to exist in this world, and that there are things that transcend everyday life and that I must take care of them that everyday life gets a reason to exist; the feeling that the world in some way wants me here, that I am responsible for an innate expression whose outlines I fill in my own biography.
James Hillman, The Soul’s Code
Only now do I feel again as an expression of the divine who is there for a reason. I reconnect with my soul that knows all the ways and unmistakably leads me to purpose. It is nice to have allies and small reminders on that path that leads me step by step closer to self.
Tijana Stupljanin
Na početku naše priče / At the beginning of our story
Dawn blushes
Glances blaze
Somewhere, high on the glade
My smile flutters
Tijana Stupljanin
Alehandro Hodorovski / Alejandro Jodorowsky
Primoravajući drugog da primi nešto što ne traži mi ga povređujemo. / By forcing someone to receive what he didn’t ask for we are hurting him.
Pobediti znači naučiti da gubiš. Izgubiti znači samo promeniti put. / To win means learning to lose. Losing only means changing of the path.
U našim ranama odzvanja izlečenje. To su vrata kroz koja ulazi Svest. / Healing resounds in our wounds. It is the door through which Consciousness enters.
Već jesi ono što želiš da budeš. / You already are what you wish to be.
Što se više upinješ da se oslobodiš svog ega, on je sve veći. Ne sputava on tebe, već ti njega hraniš. / The more you try to get rid of your ego, the bigger it gets. He does not restrain you, but you feed him.
Događaji zavise od onoga kako ih doživljavamo. Spoljašnja stvarnost se prepliće sa našom dušom. / Events depend on how we experience them. External reality intertwines with our soul.
Ono što kritikuješ kod drugih je u tebi. Ono što nije u tebi ne vidiš. / What you criticize in others is in you. You do not see what is not in you.
Zovem se Svetlost / My name is Light
Nekada davno postojao je jedan čovek, putovao je svetom i delio je ljudima svoj dar. Išao je od grada do grada, od mesta do mesta, davao je najbolje od sebe svakom čoveku koga je sreo. Ljudi su mu se ili zahvaljivali i osmehivali ili su ostajali zbunjeni. Neki su se čak i ljutili i terali ga od sebe. Ipak, svuda kuda je prošao ostavio je trag. Sve ljude koje je dotakao promenio je. Posle njega ništa više nije bilo isto. Taj čovek se zvao Svetlost, a njegov dar je bila svesnost. Osvetljavao je najmračnija mesta u ljudima ostavljajući svakome svoj dar. Znate šta je zanimljivo kod darova? Da li će ga neko prihvatiti i šta će uraditi sa njim ne zavisi od onoga ko daruje, već od onoga ko taj dar prima. Mnogi su darovi ostali neotvoreni i mnogi ljudi su izabrali da i pored svetla, žive u mraku.
/
Once upon a time, there was one man who traveled the world and shared his gift with people. He went from city to city, from place to place, he gave the best of him to every man he met. People either thanked him and smiled or remained confused. Some even got angry and pushed him away. However, he left a mark everywhere he went. He changed all the people he touched. After him, nothing was the same. That man was called Light, and his gift was consciousness. He illuminated the darkest places in people, leaving everyone his gift. You know what’s interesting about gifts? Whether someone will accept it and what they will do with it does not depend on the one who gives, but on the one who receives that gift. Many gifts remained unopened and many people chose to live in the dark despite the light.
Tijana Stupljanin
Na početku beše reč / At the beginning of everything there was a word
Da li si ikada, kada se prazna stranica otvori pred tvojim očima, osetio snažan nalet energije? To je bio prvi trenutak kada sam stvarno osetila i pomislila – možda ti jesi pisac.
/
Have you ever felt a rush of energy when a blank page unfolds in front of you? That was the first time I truly felt and thought to myself – maybe you are a writer.
Gorela je sveća u noći bez mesečine. U naletu poslednjih kontrakcija uz vrisak moje majke začuo se i moj plač. Možda mi je baš ta noć bez zvezda i meseca odredila sudbinu – tragala sam za svetlošću. Živela sam u iluzijama, u polusnu. Umrla sam kada je nestalo ljubavi u mome srcu.
Volela sam vruć vetar na licu, miris bagremovog cveta, golicanje trave dok trčimo po livadi bosi, vreli pesak na koži, šum talasa, mesečinu u kosi, dete u naručju, sitne prstiće, nemirne i meke, osmeh dečji kad me probudi… ali više od svega tvoj zagrljaj u noći…
Sada znam – zauvek ću živeti! Ljubavlju kojom sam gledala životu u oči, srcem koje je volelo grčeći se od boli, snagom duše koja je pogasila sva svetla od želje da se ponovo rodi u sjaju koji će goreti poput zvezde sa severa obasjavajući puteve ka ljubavi i slobodi.
/
A candle was burning on a moonless night. In the rush of the last contractions, along with my mother’s scream, my cry was also heard. Maybe that night without stars and the moon determined my destiny – I was looking for light. I lived in the illusions, in a half-sleep. I died when the love in my heart disappeared.
I loved the hot wind on my face, the smell of acacia flowers, tickling of the grass as we run across the meadow barefoot, hot sand on my skin, the sound of waves, the moonlight in my hair, a child in my arms, little fingers, restless and soft, a child’s smile when it wakes me… but more than anything your hug in the night …
Now I know – I will live forever! The love with which I looked life in the eye, the heart that loved while twisting in pain, the strength of the soul that extinguished all the lights of the desire to be born again in the radiance that will burn like a star from the north illuminating the paths to love and freedom.
Tijana Stupljanin
Teško je? / It is hard?
Na ovim našim južno balkanskim prostorima čini mi se da se rađamo sa tim – Teško je. Vraća nam se kao eho tokom celog života. Kako zakoračimo, hoćemo da se popnemo na vrh brda – još si mali, ne možeš ti to, teško je. Kada progovorimo, ja ću promeniti svet – nema šanse, to je teško, ti nisi dovoljno dobar. Ja hoću da živim drugačije – ne može, to niko ne radi, biće teško.
Sva moja ja hoću, ja želim, ja mogu, ja znam, odjeknuli su u ovoj stvarnosti kao ti ne smeš, ti sanjaš, ti ne možeš, ti ne znaš, koje naša podsvest čuje kao ti ne valjaš, ti nisi dovoljno dobar, tebi nešto fali. Onda vidiš i čuješ kako je neko uspeo to preteško, nemoguće i nenormalno da uradi i da ostane živ. I opet ćete čuti, to je tamo neki izuzetak, on je poseban, to može samo tamo u toj nekoj zemlji, to može samo tamo neko ko ima tamo nešto. Ovde je i dalje teško, ovde se i dalje to ne radi.
Ovde je toliko teško da čak i kad nekome nešto ide lako u životu, to je zato što su mu roditelji bogati, to je zato što je odrastao u tom kraju, to je zato što ima vezu, to je zato što ima dobre gene, to je viša sila i nema tu nikakve zasluge tog čoveka koji živi lepo i lako.
Ovde se vrlo lako od nečega dobrog, lepog i jednostavnog dođe do pečata težine, jer ako ti je sve lepo i lako, a većini je ružno i teško, štrčiš, ne uklapaš se. Malo je onih koji će u nečijem uspehu prepoznati inspiraciju i podstrek da i sami uspeju. Jer za uspeh je potrebno učenje, promena mišljenja, promena ponašanja, spremnost da se ne uspe iz prve, da se pokuša ponovo, da se uradi nešto drugačije… Mislim da je Ajnštajn rekao – Ne možete raditi uvek isto i očekivati drugačiji rezultat. Međutim, svaka promena je teška, mnogo je lakše kukati i zavideti.
Mislim da svi znaju basnu o lisici i grožđu, pa sve što nam nije na dohvat ruke, lako okarakterišemo kao „kiselo“. Međutim, niti je svo grožđe kiselo, niti je nedostižno, ali i nije sve za svakoga. Ako budemo počeli da slušamo želje svoje duše i da pratimo putokaze svoga srca, biće nam sigurno lakše, čak i kada naiđu oni stvarno teški trenuci u životu, plus ćemo uštedeti mnogo energije ne jureći tuđe želje.
Znate kako se nebo otvara kada avion uzleti i kakve god da su vremenske prilike dole pri zemlji, kada se popnete na određenu visinu (iznad oblaka) pojavi se sunce i sve se razbistri. Verujem da je tako i u životu, kada se uzdignemo barem malo iznad pukog preživljavanja tela i zemaljskog (prizemnog) promišljanja života, počinju da se naziru novi horizonti i beskrajne mogućnosti.
Pratite sebe i svoje osećaje, nešto što je dobro za vas će se pokazati kao lakoća, a za nekoga ista ta stvar može dati teskobu u telu. Zato kada vam sledeći put neko za vašu želju, nadu ili cilj, kaže da je to teško, zapitajte se da li je to vaša istina ili možda njegova? I znajte da šta god da je vaša želja, bar jedna osoba na svetu je uspela da ostvari baš to, a ako je ona uspela šta vas sprečava?
Idite za svetlošću, lakoćom i radošću!
…
In these parts of our southern Balkans, it seems to me that we are born with that – It is difficult. It comes back to us as an echo throughout life. As we make our first steps, we want to climb to the top of the hill – you are still small, you can’t do that, it’s hard. When we start to talk, I will change the world – no way, it’s hard, you’re not good enough. I want to live differently – it can’t happen, nobody does that, it will be difficult.
All of mine I want, I wish, I can, I know, resonated in this reality like: you can’t, you dream, you won’t, you don’t know, which our subconscious mind hears like you are bad, you’re not good enough, you are defected. Then you see and hear how someone managed to do that too hard, impossible and abnormal thing and stay alive. And you will hear again, it is an exception, he is special, it can only be done there in that country, it can only be done there by someone who has that something. It is still difficult here; it still cannot be done here.
It’s so hard here that even when something goes easy for someone in life, it’s because his parents are rich, it’s because he grew up in that area, it’s because he has a connection, it’s because he has good genes, it is a higher power and there is no merit in it of that man who lives beautifully and easily.
Here, it is very easy to get the stamp of weight on something good, beautiful and simple, because if everything is nice and easy for you, and most of others live badly and difficult, you stick out, you don’t fit. There are few who will recognize inspiration and encouragement in someone’s success to succeed on their own. Because success requires learning, a change of opinion, a change of behavior, a willingness to fail at first, to try again, to do something different … I think Einstein said – You can’t always do the same thing and expect a different result. However, every change is difficult, it is much easier to whine and envy.
I think everyone knows the fable about the fox and the grapes, so everything that is not at our fingertips can easily be characterized as “sour”. However, neither all grapes are sour, nor is it unattainable, but not everything is for everyone. If we start listening to the wishes of our soul and following the directions of our heart, it will surely be easier for us, even when those really difficult moments in life come, plus we will save a lot of energy without chasing other people’s wishes.
You know how the sky opens when the plane takes off and whatever the weather is down at the surface of the earth, when you climb to a certain height (above the clouds) the sun appears and everything clears up. I believe that this is also the case in life, when we rise at least a little above the mere survival of the body and the earthly (ground) thinking of life, new horizons and endless possibilities begin to emerge.
Be aware of yourself and your feelings, something that is good for you will prove to be easy, and for someone the same thing can give anxiety in the body. So the next time someone tells you that your wish, hope or goal is difficult, ask yourself if it is your truth or maybe his? And know that whatever your wish is, at least one person in the world has managed to achieve just that, and if she has succeeded, what is stopping you?
For light, ease and joy!
Tijana Stupljanin
Život za život – sve za dete / Life for life – everything for a child
Prvih 5 godina pokušavamo da ih skinemo sa sebe, onda sledećih pet godina pokušavamo ponovo da ih prikačimo za sebe, pa narednih pet godina oni pokušavaju da nas otkače od sebe, pa se onda mi trudimo da se ponovo prikačimo za njih i tako u nedogled… Odnos roditelja i dece i odnos dece i roditelja, ostaje večita misterija života.😊
Gledala sam danas animirani film o Herkulu, čuvenom heroju iz Grčke mitologije. U jednom trenutku otac, vrhovni Bog Zevs, kaže svom sinu da mora postati heroj kako bi ponovo postao Bog, a za to je potrebno da učini istinski herojsko delo. I tako se Herkul odlučio da vežba i trenira svakodnevno, kako bi postao pravi heroj. Međutim, iako je postao heroj i stekao slavu u narodu, to nije bilo dovoljno. I na kraju, ključni herojski čin koji ga je vratio među Bogove je bilo davanje svog života u zamenu za život žene koju voli.
To me je navelo na razmišljanje o simbolici te ideje, koja se javlja u mnogim pričama, život za život, žrtvovanje iz ljubavi… Podsetilo me je na roditeljstvo. Na neki način mi dajemo naš život kakav poznajemo do trenutka dok ne postanemo roditelji, za novi život. Neki roditelji i bukvalno žrtvuju sebe ne bi li njihova deca živela bolje, lepše, više od njih… Ne shvatamo svi žrtvu na isti način, ali odricanje od mnogo stvari je sastavni deo roditeljstva.
Ne mislim da deca treba da dobiju sve što požele i ne postoji univerzalni pristup vaspitanju koji možete da reprodukujete na dete i samo ubirate plodove. Pa sa koliko se izazova svako od nas susreo u svom životu, svi smo različiti i živimo svoj život najbolje što umemo, često posustajemo, pa se ponovo podižemo i idemo dalje. Učimo, menjamo se, nekada se godinama vrtimo u krug ili tapkamo u mestu, a onda pored svega toga dobijemo odgovornost za još jedan, dva, tri… života. Kako neko ko nije sam naučio da bude srećan, da voli, da živi ispunjenim životom, da sa lakoćom prevazilazi izazove koji su svakodnevni, a nekada i vrlo kompleksni, kako neko ko nema samopouzdanja može da nauči dete da bude srećno i živi svoj život punog potencijala sa lakoćom i radošću?
Ipak, kao što smo mi svi unikatni na svoj način, tako je i svako dete svoje. Neku decu treba vaspitavati, a neku samo negovati. Ne moramo biti savršeni, ali moramo biti svoji i iskreni. Deca znaju mnogo više nego što mislimo, jer su njihove misli čiste i osećanja duboka. Nekada pomislim da ne treba da ih učimo da se prilagođavaju ovom svetu, već da grade svoj.
/
You become a parent and realize that you have permanently exchanged one life for another, and that, whether you like it or not, you have a huge responsibility and influence on a life that is not yours, and that it is up to you to teach someone about life, no matter how much you have mastered it yourself.
For the first 5 years we try to take them off ourselves, then for the next five years we try to attach them to ourselves again, then for the next five years they try to detach us from themselves, and then we try to attach to them again and so on indefinitely… The relationship between parents and children and the relationship between children and parents remains an eternal mystery of life.
Today I watched an animated film about Hercules, a famous hero from Greek mythology. At one point, the father, the supreme God Zeus, tells his son that he must become a real hero in order to become God again, and for that he needs to do a truly heroic deed. And so Hercules decided to practice and train every day, in order to become a real hero. However, although he became a hero and gained fame among the people, that was not enough. And finally, the key heroic act that brought him back among the Gods was giving his life in exchange for the life of the woman he loves.
That made me think about the symbolism of that idea, which appears in many stories, life for life, sacrifice out of love … It reminded me of parenthood. In a way we give our life as we know it until the moment we become parents, for a new life. Some parents literally sacrifice themselves in order for their children to live better, more beautiful, more than them … We do not all understand sacrifice in the same way, but giving up many things is an integral part of parenthood.
I don’t think that children should get everything they want and there is no universal approach to upbringing that you can reproduce to a child and just reap the rewards. Well, how many challenges did each of us face in our lives, we are all different and we live our lives the best we can, we often fall, so we get up again and move on. We learn, we change, sometimes for years go around in a circle or tap in one place, and then, in addition to all that, we get responsibility for another one, two, three… lives. How someone who has not learned to be happy, to love, to live a full life, to easily overcome challenges that occur daily, and are sometimes very complex, how someone who does not have self-confidence can teach a child to be happy and live his life in a full potential with ease and joy?
However, just as we are all unique in our own way, so is every child. Some children need to be brought up, and some just need to be nurtured. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to be our own and honest. Children know much more than we think, because their thoughts are pure and their feelings are deep. Sometimes I think that we should not teach them to adapt to this world, but to build their own.
Tijana Stupljanin
Čarolija / Magic
From silence to silence. The light is emerging from the blue clouds. From my cozy nights into a doubt-colored dawn. From the depths of my being, through the gloaming darkness and fear, rises a new, blossomed, flaming, playful and singing enchantress woman, half goddess – half warrior, sometimes a fairy, or a witch.
Man vs. Nature / Čovek protiv prirode
Since the beginning of time, the man had to face the forces of nature to ensure his own survival. The nature has been observed as hostile, the man had to fight with his body and mind to concur the nature and make it his servant. However, more than once, the nature has demonstrated how powerful and wild it can truly be and the man, with all his science and technology and progress, stood no chance. Nevertheless, the mankind survived, there are more people in the world today than ever before.
If you start to think about this, it becomes clear, there is no man vs. nature, the nature is within a man, and the man is within the nature, we do not exist apart from it. If we fight the nature within, then we fight against our own bodies, our own instincts, senses… And if we fight the nature around us, we inevitably lose, because we are just a small piece of it. How about if we stop fighting and start listening, begin working together, cooperating, learn from it as much as we can and then co-create, play with it. This is the abundant planet, there is enough food, clothes and homes for each and every one of us. Nature is greater than all of us together, she gave a birth to everything that exists, we call it a Mother for a reason. She gave us everything she had so that we would live a happy life, as every mother would, and she did it with love.
And how do you treat your mother? Do you show her respect? Are you thankful for her gifts? How do you show your love?
If you do not understand your nature, that is within you and all around you, then you cannot appreciate it and you wouldn’t know how to love yourself or the world around you. Even that’s o.k., mother is forgiving and compassionate, her own love is enough, but you better show her respect! Because the Earth will survive without us, but where would we be without the Earth?
/
Od početka vremena čovek je morao da se suočava sa prirodnim silama kako bi obezbedio svoj opstanak. Na prirodu se gledalo kao na neprijatelja, čovek je morao da se bori i umom i telom kako bi je pokorio i potčinio je svojim potrebama. Međutim, više puta je priroda demonstrirala koliko moćna i neukrotiva zaista može biti i čovek, sa svim svojim naučnim dostignućima i tehnologijama i napretkom, nije imao nikakve šanse. Ipak, čovečanstvo je preživelo i danas ima više ljudi na svetu nego ikada pre.
Ako se zamislimo nad ovim, postaje jasno da čovek ne može protiv prirode, jer priroda je u čoveku i čovek je u prirodi, mi ne postojimo odvojeno od nje. Ako se opiremo prirodu u nama, onda se borimo sa našim telima, sopstvenim nagonima, čulima… A ukoliko se borimo sa prirodom oko nas, neminovno gubimo, jer smo mi samo mali njen deo. Kako bi bilo kada bismo prestali da se borimo a počeli da slušamo, da sarađujemo, da učimo od nje što više i onda da stvaramo zajedno, da se igramo. Ovo je planeta obilja, ima dovoljno hrane za sve, odeće i krova nad glavom za baš svakoga od nas. Priroda je veća od svih nas zajedno, ona je rodila sve što postoji, ne zovemo je uzalud Majka Priroda. Dala nam je sve što je imala kako bismo živeli srećno, baš kao prava majka, i to je uradila sa ljubavlju.
A kako se mi ponašamo prema svojoj majci? Da li joj ukazujemo poštovanje? Da li smo zahvalni na njenim darovima? Kako joj pokazujemo ljubav?
Ukoliko ne razumeš svoju prirodu, onu koja je u tebi i onu koja te okružuje, onda je nećeš ni ceniti i nećeš umeti da voliš ni sebe ni svet oko sebe. Čak je i to u redu, jer majka je puna saosećanja i opraštanja, njena sopstvena ljubav joj je dovoljna, ali bolje bi ti bilo da je poštuješ! Jer Zemlja će nastaviti da postoji i bez nas, a gde bismo mi bili bez nje?
Tijana
Koliko vredim? / What is my worth?
Onoliko koliko volite sebe – tolika je vaša cena – i život poštuje tu cenu.
– Miguel Ruiz, Moć Ljubavi
How much you love yourself – such is your price – and life respects that price.
The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship –Toltec Wisdom Book
Da li znate priču o žabici koja je pobedila u trci i jedina stigla do cilja? (The Frogs’ Race by Dulce Rodrigues) Priča ide otprilike ovako: u šumi je bila organizovana trka, žabica koja uspe da se prva popne na visoki toranj je pobednik. Trka je počela, međutim publika je, umesto da bodri takmičare, poput nekog starog mrzovoljnog žapca, počela da dovikuje – žabe ne mogu da se penju, nikada nećete uspeti, spore ste, to je nemoguće, šta zamišljate ko ste i slična omalovažavanja. Polako su jedna po jedna žabica odustajale i napuštale trku. Na kraju je ostala samo jedna žabica koja se uopšte nije osvrtala već je hrabro išla napred. Kada se popela na vrh i stigla na cilj okrenula se i shvatila da je pobedila, bila je presrećna i zadovoljna, mada malo tužna što ni jedna druga žabica nije stigla na cilj. Svi su se pitali po čemu je posebna baš ta žabica, da bi shvatili da je ona gluva i da nije čula negativne povike i obeshrabrivanje iz publike, već je slušala samo svoj unutrašnji glas koji ju je konstantno bodrio!
Čovek je društveno biće, od kada se rodimo usmereni smo na druge ljude. Dete svet otkriva kroz svoj odnos sa majkom pre svega, pa onda i sa ocem, najbližom porodicom, zatim sa vršnjacima, učiteljima, nastavnicima, komšijama i svim ljudima koje u životu, makar i na kratko, sreće. Svi znamo iz sopstvenog iskustva koliko nam znači pohvala, razumevanje, neko da nas sasluša, neko da nas samo zagrli, neko ko nam je u bilo kojoj sferi autoritet da nam da potvrdu da smo nešto dobro uradili… A šta kada sve to izostane?
Da li nas je iko učio kako da budemo uvek svesni svoje vrednosti i kako da sebi budemo najveća podrška? Često se dogodi u životu da roditelji, koliko god dobri i dobronamerni bili, našem vaspitavanju prilaze iz sopstvenih ograničenja, negativnih iskustava, strahova, pa i iz neznanja. Sigurno ima i onih koji se rode sa neverovatnim samopouzdanjem i verom u sebe i sopstvenu veličinu, kao i onih koje roditelji, ili neki drugi autoritet, uspeju da zadoje ovim vrednostima, ali verujem da je za većinu nas bilo potrebno mnogo saplitanja, učenja, padanja i ustajanja dok nismo spoznali svoju istinsku vrednost i podesili svoj život prema njoj.
Slušala sam nedavno govor Arnolda Švarcenegera u kome je govorio o uspehu. Fasciniralo me je to što su njemu u uspehu u stvari pomogle baš one osobine koje su svi isticali kao njegove mane. I šta bi sa njim bilo da je umesto sebe poslušao sve te druge koji su mu govorili da neće uspeti zbog jakog austrijskog naglaska, zbog prevelikih mišića, neobičnog imena, itd., a on je od bolešljivog, mršavog dečaka iz siromašnog sela u Austriji postao jedan od najplaćenijih glumaca na svetu i guverner Los Anđelesa! On je imao veliku viziju svog života i naporno je radio da je ostvari, ali čini mi se od svega, da mu je najviše pomoglo to što nije slušao ljude koji su mu govorili da neće uspeti i davali mu, pri tom, vrlo realne razloge zašto neće uspeti! Jedino je bilo važno da on sebe vidi kao Mister Univerzuma, glavnog glumca, guvernera…
Toliko je uspešnih priča svuda oko nas i to najviše tamo gde ih najmanje očekujemo. Ljudi koji dožive povredu i doktori im kažu da više nikada neće hodati samostalno, a oni postanu trkači, gimnastičarka sa veštačkom nogom, milioneri koji su odrastali u bedi, ljudi koji dožive najveću tragediju, a onda tu svoju tragediju pretvore u nešto veće od života, ljude koji prežive nemoguće situacije i one koji urade neviđene stvari… Međutim, isto tako imate ljude kojima su doktori greškom rekli da će umreti za mesec dana i oni zaista umru, iako su u stvari bili zdravi, ili veoma talentovane ljude koji padnu u depresiju ili se okrenu porocima i nikada ne dostignu svoj puni potencijal.
Kada smo deca uče nas da slušamo druge. Ja sam prva koja deci skoro svakodnevno govori koliko je važno da slušaju svoje roditelje, ali ih takođe učim da su oni najbolje od nas dvoje i da imaju potencijal kada porastu da budu bolji i pametniji od nas. Isto tako ih učim da čuju svakoga, ali da uvek procene da li to što čuju od drugih korespondira sa njihovim unutrašnjim glasom. Problem nastaje kada mi zaboravimo svoju vrednost sa kojom dolazimo na ovaj svet i počnemo da se oslanjamo na ono što drugi ljude misle ili govore o nama. Možda će nas drugi i preceniti, ipak je veća verovatnoća da će nas podceniti, ali ni jedna od ove dve varijante neće nas usrećiti. Kao što istinsku sreću možemo jedino pronaći u sebi, duboki mir spoznati iznutra, tako i sopstvenu vrednost moramo osetiti u sebi i onda je podeliti sa svetom, a to ćemo uspeti ako se podsetimo svakodnevno ko smo, povezujući se sa sobom, vraćajući se suštini i osluškujući svoju dušu. Tehnika za to ima danas baš koliko hoćeš! Meni su najdraže: ples slobodnim stilom uz muziku koja me podiže, razgovor sa svojim odrazom u ogledalu, pevanje, crtanje ili slikanje, pisanje, yoga, šetnja, gledanje u prirodu…
Henri Ford je jedan od najuspešnijih ljudi ikada i znao je svoju vrednost, evo šta je on rekao o tome: “Mene ne brine šta drugi misle o meni, zato što znam svoju pravu vrednost. A milijarder sam postao zato što znam s novcem i umem da razlikujem prave vrednosti od lažnih.”
Na kraju, vredimo onoliko koliko smo zadovoljni sobom i koliko uživamo u životu. Ako se nekada dogodi da pokleknete pred životom i niste u stanju da volite sebe, pogledajte u oči onih koje volite i koji vole vas, oslušnite šta će vam reći, oni vide u nama svu našu lepotu i dobrotu i kada nismo u svom najboljem izdanju. Ljubav će nas podsetiti na najlepši mogući način na to ko smo i koliko smo dragoceni.
/
Do you know the story of a frog who won the race and was the only one to reach the finish line? (The Frogs’ Race by Dulce Rodrigues) The story goes something like this: a race was organized in the woods, the frog that manages to climb the high tower first is the winner. The race started, but the audience, instead of cheering on the competitors, like an old grumpy frog, started shouting – frogs can’t climb, you will never succeed, you are slow, it is impossible, who do you imagine you are and similar insults. Slowly, one by one, the frogs gave up and left the race. In the end, there was only one frog left, which did not look back at all, but went forward bravely. When she climbed to the top and reached the finish line, she turned around and realized that she had won, she was overjoyed and satisfied, although a little sad that no other frog had reached the finish line. Everyone wondered what made that frog special, and they discovered that she was deaf and that she did not hear negative shouts and discouragement from the audience, but only listened to her inner voice, which constantly encouraged her!
Man is a social being; from the minute we are born we are focused on other people. The child discovers the world through his relationship with his mother first of all, and then with his father, the closest family, then with his peers, caregivers, teachers, neighbors and all the people he meets in life, even for a short time. We all know from our own experience how much praise and understanding means to us, someone to listen to us, someone to just hug us, someone who is our authority in any sphere to confirm that we have done something good… And what if all that is missing?
Has anyone taught us how to always be aware of our values and how to be our greatest support? It often happens in life that parents, no matter how good and well-intention they are, approach our upbringing out of their own limitations, negative experiences, fears, and even out of ignorance. Sure, there are those who are born with incredible self-confidence and faith in themselves and their own greatness, as well as those whose parents, or some other authority, manage to instill these values in them, but I believe that most of us needed a lot of tripping, learning, falling and rising until we realized our true value and adjusted our lives to it.
I recently listened to a speech by Arnold Schwarzenegger in which he spoke about success. I was fascinated by the fact that the very qualities that everyone has pointed out as his shortcomings actually helped him in his success. And what would have happened to him if he had listened to all those others who told him that he would not succeed because of his strong Austrian accent, because of his oversized muscles, his unusual name, etc. Instead he has went from sickly, skinny boy from a poor village in Austria to one of the highest paid actors in the world and the governor of Los Angeles! He had a great vision of his life and worked hard to make it happen, but it seems to me that what helped him the most was that he did not listen to people who told him that he would not succeed and gave him, at the same time, very real reasons why it will not work! The only thing that mattered was that he saw himself as Mr. Universe, the main actor, the governor and fallowed that vision…
There are so many success stories all around us, mostly where we least expect them. People who get injured and doctors tell them that they will never walk on their own again, and they become runners, a gymnast with an artificial leg, millionaires who grew up in misery, people who experience the greatest tragedy, and then turn their tragedy into something bigger than life, people who survive impossible situations and those who do unseen things… However, you also have people who were mistakenly told by doctors that they would die in a month and they do die, even though they were actually healthy, or very talented people who fall into depression or turn to vices and never reach their full potential.
When we are children they teach us to listen to others. I am the first one who tells their children almost every day how important it is to listen to their parents, but I also teach them that they are the best of the two of us and that they have the potential when they grow up to be better and smarter than us. I also teach them to hear everyone, but to always assess whether what they hear from others corresponds to their inner voice. The problem arises when we forget our value with which we come to this world and begin to rely on what other people think or say about us. Maybe others will overestimate us, but they are more likely to underestimate us, however neither of these two variants will make us happy. Just as we can only find true happiness in ourselves, know deep peace from within, so we must feel our own value in ourselves and then share it with the world, and we will succeed if we remind ourselves every day who we are, connecting with ourselves, returning to the essence and listening to our soul. There is a plenty of techniques for that today, just as much as you want! My favorites are: freestyle dancing with music that lifts me up, talking to my reflection in the mirror, singing, drawing or painting, writing, yoga, walking (preferably in nature)…
Henry Ford is one of the most successful people ever and he knew his value, here’s what he said about it: “I don’t care what others think of me, because I know my true value. And I became a billionaire because I am knowledgeable with money and I can distinguish true values from false ones.”
We are worth as much as we are satisfied with ourselves and as much as we enjoy life. If you ever happen to kneel before life and you are not able to love yourself, look into the eyes of your loved ones and those who love you, listen to what they will tell you, they see in us all our beauty and goodness even when we are not at our best. Love will remind us in the most beautiful way as possible of who we are and how precious we are.
Život ili smrt / Life or death
Iz perspektive smrti sve ostalo izgleda kao čista lakrdija.
/
From a perspective of a death, everything else is just a mockery.
– Horhe Luis Borhes
Bole me sva tvoja čekanja na prozoru
i gledanja na sat
I sva naša neviđanja, isto tako
Važno mi je samo da znaš,
volela sam te neizmerno i tada
kao i sad
I ni jedna razdaljina
ne može to da promeni,
pa ni ova smrt što je napravi
Čekam tebe sada ja
na prozorima moje duše
i nikada vrata ne zatvaram
Sećanja kad navrate,
vrate na kratko sve naše uspomene,
i tugom i srećom me nahrane,
znam da mi ih ti šalješ
na krilima vihora
iz daleka…
Iz daleka…
A ja ti pesmom pozdrave uzvraćam,
ime tvoje dozivam,
kao ti moje što si nekad
Ako ste ikada potpuno iskreno i beskrajno, detinje, voleli nekoga ko više nije među živima, znate da ljubav ne umire smrću tela. Ta ljubav ostaje sa nama i u nama, rekla bih sve do naše smrti, ali nekako slutim da ta ljubav ostaje utkana u našu dušu i živi sa njom doveka.
Srećan je ko ume da voli – kako je to lepo rekao Hese, samo nije to laka sreća! Kada zaista volite nekoga, kao da nemate izbora, volite i sve njegove mane isto koliko i vrline, i volite i kada vas boli neki njegov postupak, čak i kada se taj neko ružno ponese prema vama (ne mislim ovde na bilo koju vrstu zlostavljanja! Tu nema LJ od ljubavi i tačka!). Ljubav tada i zaboli, ali to nas boli naša ljubav koja nosi i veliku odgovornost, jer mi imamo priliku da kroz tu ljubav porastemo, prihvatajući nesavršenost onoga koga volimo, prihvatamo i svoje slabosti i podižemo se na jedan novi nivo u odnosima sa svim ljudima koji su u našim životima. Ako uspemo da prođemo kroz tu bol, a zadržimo ljubav, uradili smo veliku stvar, jer smo tada dali krila toj ljubavi i biću koje volimo, da poleti do visina svoje duše.
Nema boljeg leka od razumevanja i praštanja, a bez ljubavi nema ničega. Smrt ne boli, smrt samo opominje, podučava, podseća da smo sada u ovom trenutku još živi i da imamo mogućnost da biramo kako ćemo živeti. Kada pogledam šta ljudi na samrti kažu o životu, zaključujem, ono što moja duša već zna, da život bez ljubavi prema sebi i ljubavi prema ljudima oko sebe, nema mnogo smisla. Ne morate imati muža ili decu, da biste živeli smisleno, volite to što imate, budite dobri prema sebi, svojim roditeljima, sestrama, braći, prijateljima, ako nemate ni njih, volite svoje komšije, svoje ljubimce, ljude koje srećete na ulici, prodavačice, ako vam je i to teško, volite svoja dela, svoj posao, uložite svu svoju ljubav u nešto što će se utkati u nečiju dušu i nastaviti da živi i kad vas više ne bude.
Za mene je samo ljubav smisao života, a koliko ćemo ljubavi imati u životu zavisi samo od nas. Da, ja sam srećna jer umem da volim, ali da mi je uvek lako, nije, nekada zaboravim da dam sebi malo te podrške i ljubavi, nekada uradim nešto što me razočara i zaboli, nekada čekam da mi je neko drugi pruži, samo to ne funkcioniše tako. Ako ne volimo sebe onom beskrajnom, detinjom ljubavlju sa početka priče, nećemo prepoznati ili nećemo ceniti ni ljubav koju nam drugi daju. I još nešto, ako ne negujemo ljubav prema sebi, nećemo imati dovoljno ljubavi kojom ćemo razumeti, podržavati i praštati onima koji našoj ljubavi/životu daju smisao.
P.S. Volim te
/
All yours waiting at the window hurts me,
looking at the clock too
And all the time we didn’t spent together, as well
It is important to me for you to know just this,
I loved you indefinitely then
as I do now
And there is no distance
that can change this,
not even the one death had made
Now I wait for you
at the windows of my soul
and I never close the door
When memories burst in,
bringing back for a moment all our reminiscences,
filling me with sadness and with happiness,
I know you are sending them my way
on the whirlwind’s wings
from far away…
From far away…
And I salute you in return with this song,
and I shout out your name,
as you once shouted mine
If you had ever completely true and infinitely, childlike, loved someone who is no longer among living, you know that love does not die with the body. That love stays with us and within us until we die, I would say, but somehow I sense that this love stays woven into our soul and lives with it forever.
Happy is the one who can love – as beautifully said by Hesse, however, it is not easy luck! When you really love someone, as if you don’t have a choice, you love all his downsides as much as his virtues and you love him even if you are hurt by some of his actions, even when that someone has mistreated you (just to be clear, I do not talk here about any kind of abuse! Where there is abuse, there is no mention of love, period!). When that happens, love hurts, but what hurts is our own love that carries a big responsibility, because we have the opportunity to grow through this love, by accepting the imperfections of our loved one, we also accept our own weaknesses and we rise up to a new level of relationship with all the people in our lives. If we manage to pass through that pain and keep the love, we have done a great thing, because then we gave wings to that love and to that someone we love, so he can fly to the heights of his soul.
There is no better remedy than understanding and forgiving, and without love, there is nothing. Death does not hurt, death warns, teaches, reminds that we are now, at this moment still alive and that we have the possibility to choose how we are going to live. When I see what people at their deathbed are saying about life, I conclude – what my soul already knows, that life without love for the self and for the people around, has very little sense. You don’t have to have a husband or kids to have a meaningful life, you can love what you have, be good to yourself, your parents, sisters, brothers, friends, and if you don’t have any of those people, love your neighbors, your pets, people you meet on the street, a saleswoman, if that’s too hard for you, love your deeds, your work, invest all your love in something that will touch someone’s soul and continue to live even when you are gone.
To me, love is the only purpose of life, and how much love will we have in life depends solely on us. Yes, I am happy because I know how to love, however it does not come always easy, sometimes I forget to give to myself a bit of that support and love, sometimes I do something that disappoints and hurts me, at times I wait for someone to give me that love, only it doesn’t work that way. If we don’t love ourselves with that infinite, childlike love from the beginning of this story, we will never recognize or appreciate the love somebody else is giving to us. And one more thing, if we don’t cherish self-love, we will not have enough love to understand, support and forgive to those who give our love/life a purpose.
P.S. I love you
Ljubav/Love
Ima dana kada se probudim uzemljena, puna snage, svesna života u meni i oko mene. Tada vidim stvari izoštrenije, kao da se materija razliva i dopušta suštini da se izrazi. Postanem svesnija malih stvari koje čine život, koje znače mnogo više nego što smo spremni da prihvatimo, zbog kojih sam sva u zahvalnosti ovoga jutra, u miru i veri, skoro kao da sam i sama oslobođena svega što je suvišno, bestelesna, lagana duša koja peva u ritmu sunčevih zraka.
Možda je ova kiša isprala u meni brigu, ljutnju, strah… ostavivši me čudu života svežu i obnovljenu, da mu se divim, da ga slavim, da ga istražujem, kao novorođenče koje prvi put otkriva svet, koje prvi put ponovo otkriva ljubav.
/
There are days when I wake up grounded, full of strength, totally aware of all the life inside of me and around me. In those times I see things clearer, as if the matter has disperse before me allowing for the essence to reveal the self. I become mindful of the little things that make the living, that mean much more than we are ready to acknowledge, for which I am full of gratitude this morning, in peace and faith, almost as if I am released from all that is redundant, just this incorporeal, airy soul that’s singing in the rhythm of the sunbeams.
Could be this rain has washed away all worry, anger, fear in me… leaving me to the miracle of life fresh and renewed, to admire it, to celebrate it, to explore it, like a newborn revealing the world for the first time, for the first time revealing the love again.
Naš veliki život
È un mondo difficile
Tonino Carotone – Me Cago En El Amor
E vita intensa
Felicità a momenti
E futuro incerto
Il fuoco e l’acqua
Con certa calma
Serata di vento
E nostra piccola vita
E nostro grande cuore
Koliko je veliki naš život? Da li je stvarno život samo naša refleksija, odraz našeg nesvesnog i podsvesnog? Kao u Platonovoj Pećini, ako usmerimo svetlo na spoljašnja dešavanja, mi gledamo u iluzije koje nazivamo životom. Da bismo videli pravu sliku, svetlo treba usmeriti unutra.
Neki ljudi život vide kao čudo prepuno mogućnosti, čak i kada su okolnosti koje ih okružuju teške. Mogima je, ipak, život teret i teskoba, pa i kad ih zadesi neka lepa i srećna okolnost, oni se nesnađeni, brzo vraćaju u svoje uverenje da je život borba i nađu uvek neku brigu koja im potvrdi da je život težak.
Za mene je život uvek bio ljubav. Kada sam u svom najvišem stanju, život vidim kao jednu veliku reku ljubavi, koja teče, a ja joj se prepuštam. Ogoljujem deo po deo sebe da bih joj se što više približila, da bih je bolje osetila, da bih uživala više…
Život je dobar, mazi nas, neguje, daje sve što nam treba za sreću, prigrli to, dopusti da te vodi ljubav života. Bez obzira na razočaranost autora gore citiranih stihova u ljubav, on ipak prepoznaje da su naši “mali” životi ustvari veliki ako nam je srce veliko.
Tijana Stupljanin
Ćutanje je zlato
O, sklopi usne, ne govori, ćuti,
ostavi misli nek se bujno roje…
Milan Rakić – Iskrena pesma
Nije isto: ćutanje ili tišina. U tišini se čovek odmori, a u ćutanjima nekada ima više buke nego tišine. Zabole nekada ta ćutanja i to nije dobro, tada znaj da će kad tad prokuljati reči. A što je ćutanje ljuće i što duže traje, to bujica jače preti da poplavi i govornika i drugu stranu, pa ko živ ko mrtav. Mada, nisu ni sva ćutanja ista…
Nekada ćutim, a puna mi glava reči. Mislim puno i o svemu i svašta bih rekla, ali ćutim. Manje me bole ta ćutanja, nego silne reči. Ponekad pomislim da je sve već ionako rečeno, i šta bih ja tu još mogla da dodam? Bilo je, ili nije bilo, ovako je, onako je… Jer, na kraju, svi imamo svoju istinu.
Zato ja sada biram reči, biram misli, biram osećaje i biram da delim samo ono što osećam kao važno. Evo sada u ovom trenutku rasterećenom od prošlosti i dalekom od budućnosti, sve je savršeno, zato delim sa vama baš ovaj trenutak sada.
Tijana Stupljanin
Volim te / I Love You
Da bi nešto dobili, treba da znamo i da damo, a ne možeš dati nešto što nemaš.
Tijana Stupljanin
Ove dve najjednostavnije reči su me doslovno spasile! Volim te, volim te, volim te, ponavljala sam do besvesti, ali je upalilo, jer ljubav nas održava u životu.
Često su me kada sam bila mala spopadali osećaji da nisam voljena, naizgled bez ikakvog povoda, ali u mojoj glavi ja sam bila nevoljeno dete. Svaka kritika, svako ne slaganje, svaka strogost, naredba, grdnja, koje su dolazile od mojih roditelja, ja sam doživljavala kao ne ljubav. U takvim trenucima sam imala destruktivne misli, želela sam da povredim sebe kako bih dobila pažnju i “ljubav”. Nisam fizički povređivala sebe, ali jesam sebi nanela dosta emotivne boli, a sa druge strane često sam radila nešto uprkos zabranama i bila sam jako naporno dete.
Kasnije sam imala potrebu da konstantno budem zaljubljena. Stalno sam nalazila razloge za zaljubljivanje, u stvari sam izmišljala i zamišljala stvari ne gledajući kakve su stvarno. Uistinu mi je ta zaljubljenost izdaleka, davala osećaj sigurnosti. U glavi sam bila zaljubljena, ali srce je ostajalo hladno.
Kada sam već postala mlada devojka, bežala sam kao od đavola od svih momaka koji su me gledali kao da sam neko nestvarno biće, a onima koje sam procenila kao bezazlene sam dopuštala da mi se približe. S druge strane iscrpljivalo me je držanje garda i podizanje ograda od onih koji su me gledali kao plen, kao objekat.
Ljubav je za mene bila ogledanje u drugim ljudima, očekivanje da me neko drugi voli bezuslovno, i kada sam super i kada sam loše volje, da neko bude uvek tu za mene, da me prati u stopu, da ispunjava sve moje potrebe. Ako mi neko kaže nešto grubo, ružno, nevažno ko, čak i potpuni stranac na ulici, meni potonu sve lađe.
Mislila sam da je to što sam lepa i dobra i nežna dovoljno da dobijem sve što sam izmaštala da se u ljubavi dobija. Naravno da sam se razočaravala više puta, naravno da sam bila ljubomorna i posesivna, jer nisam dobijala ljubav. Zašto nisam dobijala ljubav, a toliko sam je želela? Zašto me je ljubav bolela? Trebalo mi je vremena da shvatim, ali na kraju sam naučila da nas drugi ljudi vole i cene onoliko koliko mi volimo i cenimo sebe. Shvatila sam da su me drugi voleli onako kako su znali i onoliko koliko su mogli. Postalo mi je jasno da moram poći od sebe.
Svi želimo bezuslovnu ljubav, a da li mi volimo bezuslovno? Sve kreće od nas. Kako je unutra tako je i spolja. Spoljašnji svet je projekcija nas samih, bili mi toga svesni ili ne. Volim li sebe bezuslovno? Da li volim sve svoje mane, kao i vrline, da li volim sebe kada me spopadnu bubice, kada sam ljuta? Da li sam nežna prema sebi kada grešim, da li imam strpljenja sa sobom kada mi nešto ne ide od ruke? Da li ispunjavam sebi želje, da li ugađam sebi? Da li dozvoljavam sebi da budem sve ono što jesam? Da li izražavam sebe u svoj svojoj punoći? Da li prepoznajem svoja osećanja i dozvoljavam im da postoje? Da li razumem sebe, da li opraštam sebi?
Svaki odnos se gradi, iskrenošću, razumevanjem, nežnošću, strpljenjem, odgovornošću, podržavanjem, prihvatanjem, praštanjem, a sve počinje od odnosa sa sobom. Žao mi je za sve nerazumevanje i bol koji sam ti nanela, sada razumem da sam bila gruba i da nisam imala strpljenja za tebe, volim te baš takvu kakva jesi i prihvatam te sa svim vrlinama i sa svim manama, oprosti mi molim te i hvala ti. Ja sam odgovorna za sebe i svoj život i za količinu ljubavi koja postoji u mom životu! Dajem sebi dozvolu da volim i budem voljena bez vezivanja, bez uslova.
Ovaj put bezuslovne ljubavi nije pravolinijski, pun je krivina i uspona i padova, zato i kažem da se odnos sa sobom, kao i odnos sa drugim ljudima u našem životu gradi, to je proces u kome iznova upoznajemo sebe, prihvatamo sebe i rastemo, a sve stane u dve reči – volim te!
/
If you want to get something, first you have to learn how to give, but you can’t give something that you don’t have.
Tijana Stupljanin
These two simplest words literally saved me! I love you, I love you, I love you, I repeated to the point of unconsciousness, but it worked, because love keeps us alive.
Often when I was little, I had feelings that I was not loved, seemingly for no reason, but in my head I was an unloved child. Every criticism, every disagreement, every strictness, order, scold, which came from my parents, I experienced as not love. In such moments, I had destructive thoughts, I wanted to hurt myself in order to get attention and “love”. I didn’t physically hurt myself, but I did inflict a lot of emotional pain on myself, and on the other hand, I often did something despite the prohibitions and I was a very difficult child.
Later I had a need to be constantly in love. I was constantly finding reasons to fall in love, in fact I was inventing and imagining things without looking at what they really were. Truly, that infatuation from afar gave me a sense of security. I was in love in my head, but my heart remained cool.
When I became a young girl, I ran away like from the devil from all the guys who looked at me as if I were some unreal being, and I allowed those I judged to be harmless to approach me. On the other hand, I was exhausted by holding guard and raising fences from those who looked at me as a prey, as an object.
For me, love was a reflection of me in other people, the expectation that someone else will love me unconditionally, both when I am great and when I am in a bad mood, that someone is always there for me, to follow in my footsteps, to fulfill all my needs. If someone tells me something rude, ugly, no matter who, even a complete stranger on the street, all my boats sink. I thought that being beautiful and good and gentle was enough to get everything I imagined you are supposed to get from love. Of course I was disappointed many times, of course I was jealous and possessive because I didn’t get love. Why didn’t I get love that I wanted so much? Why did love hurt me? It took me a while to understand, but in the end I learned that other people love and appreciate us as much as we love and appreciate ourselves. I realized that others loved me the way they knew how and as much as they could. It became clear to me that I had to start from myself.
We all want unconditional love, but do we love unconditionally? Everything starts from us. As it is inside, so it is outside. The outside world is a projection of ourselves, whether we are aware of it or not. Do I love myself unconditionally? Do I love all my flaws, as well as my virtues, do I love myself when moody, when I am angry? Am I gentle with myself when I make mistakes, do I have patience with myself when I am not good at something? Do I fulfill my desires, do I please myself? Do I allow myself to be all that I am? Do I express myself in all my fullness? Do I recognize my feelings and allow them to exist? Do I understand myself, do I forgive myself?
Every relationship is built with honesty, understanding, tenderness, patience, responsibility, support, acceptance, forgiveness, and it all starts with a relationship with yourself. I am sorry for all the misunderstanding and pain I caused you, now I understand that I was rude and I did not have patience for you, I love you just the way you are and I accept you with all the virtues and all the flaws, forgive me please and thank you. I am responsible for myself and my life and for the amount of love that exists in my life! I give myself permission to love and be loved without attachment, without conditions.
This path of unconditional love is not straightforward, it is full of curves and ups and downs, which is why I say that the relationship with ourselves, as well as the relationship with other people in our life is built, it is a process in which we get to know ourselves again and grow and it all fits into these two words – I love you!
Tijana Stupljanin
Sjaj / The glow
Zagrlila sam ga, pridržavajući ga nežno. Gledali smo se u oči, njegove su se smešile nekim zvezdanim sjajem. Bile su to oči dečaka, koji zavisi od tuđe ljubavi, koji voli iskreno i ništa ne traži za uzvrat. Taj njegov pogled mi je davao snagu da se ne raspadnem, znajući da ga gubim dok ga je njegovo telo izdavalo. U tim rukama koje su me toliko puta nosile i dizale u nebo, nije više bilo snage, a „ moje brze noge što su nekad konja mogle stići, a sada su oslabile, jedva mogu na njih ići…“, kako je voleo da recituje. Znala sam da odlazi polako, na onaj neizbežni put, ali nisam to htela da priznam. Ipak je on bio tu za mene od mog prvog plača, 23 godine sam mu sedela u krilu, uz njega sam uvek bila dete, a sada sam morala da odrastem.
Naizgled to je bio jedan običan i, kako će se ispostaviti, poslednji susret jedne unuke i njenog voljenog dede. Samo, za mene je taj pogled kojim smo sve rekli, a da reč nismo izgovorili, bio poslednja podrška koju sam dobila od njega. Njegov sigurni zagrljaj sa “onoga sveta”. Spokoj, ljubav i prostodušnost tog pogleda su me umirivali i grejali moju dušu vraćajući sve lepe uspomene na detinjstvo i odrastanje uz njega. Taj naš susret bio je i ostao moje svetlo na kraju tunela tuge koja još ume da zaboli, skoro 20 godina kasnije, ali taj sjaj u oku… još uvek sija kao najsjajnija zvezda.
/
I hugged him, holding him gently. We were looking into each other’s eyes, his were smiling with a starry glow. These were the eyes of a boy, who depends on someone else’s love, who loves sincerely and does not ask for anything in return. That look of his gave me the strength not to fall apart, knowing I was losing him as his body betrayed him. In those hands that carried me so many times and lifted me into the sky, there was no more strength, and “my fast legs, which once could run with horses, but now are weak, I can barely use them for walking…”, as he liked to recite. I knew he was leaving slowly, on that inevitable path, but I didn’t want to admit it. However, he has been there for me since my first cry, I sat on his lap for 23 years, I was always a child with him, and now I had to grow up.
Seemingly, it was an ordinary and, as it turns out, the last meeting between a granddaughter and her beloved grandfather. Only, for me, that look with which we said everything, without saying a word, was the last support I received from him. His safe embrace from “the other world”. The serenity, love and simplicity of that look calmed me and warmed my soul, returning all the beautiful memories of my childhood and growing up with him by my side. That meeting of ours was and remains my light at the end of the tunnel of sorrow that can still hurt, almost 20 years later, but that glow in the eyes… still shines like the brightest star.
Tijana Stupljanin
- My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
- Most people say that it is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong: it is character.
- Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
- Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
- Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.
- Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
- Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
Albert Einstein
Miris kiše u proleće / Smell of the rain in the Spring
April već privodi svoje dane kraju, sve se više oseća dah proleća. Jutros me je probudila kiša, vodila sam dete u vrtić i u povratku udahnula svež kišoviti dan. Taj miris kiše u proleće… Kako to opisati? To je doživljaj svih čula, miriše trava, miriše drveće nekom posebnom svežinom koja, za razliku od jesenjih kiša, greje.
Ako ste imali tu sreću da provodite proleća negde u prirodi, kao što sam ja sve prolećne i većinu letnjih raspusta provodila u Aranđelovcu kod babe i dede, u krošnjama Bukovičkog parka i senkama prohladnih povečerja sa Bukulje, možda i vas miris kiše u proleće vrati u mladost.
Nisam nešto posebno nostalgična, ali taj miris mokre šume, pokisle nedavno pokošene trave, taj osećaj da vreme ne teče u tom savršenom trenutku bezbrižnosti i mladalačkog sanjarenja, kao da je ostao zapisan zauvek u mojim nozdrvama.
Srećna sam i zahvalna što sam danas, na tren, ponovo bila devojčica zagledana u oblake i zaljubljena u život koji tek dolazi.
/
April is already counting its last days, the spring spirit can be scented in the air. This morning the rain woke me up, I was walking my kid to the kindergarten and on my way back home I was breathing in fresh rainy day. That smell of the rain in the springtime… How to describe it? It is a full all senses experience, the grass smells, the trees smell of some exceptional freshness that, unlike rains in fall, warms you.
If you were lucky enough to spend your springs somewhere in the nature, like I was spending all my spring breakes and most of the summer vacations in Arandjelovac with my grandparents, in the treetops of the Bukovik Park and the shadows of chilly taps from the mountain Bukulja, maybe the smell of rain in the spring brings you back to the youth too.
I am not especially nostalgic, but that smell of the wet forest, of wet recently cut grass, that feeling that time does not flow in that perfect moment of carelessness and youthful daydreaming, as if it remained written forever in my nostrils.
I am happy and grateful that today, for a moment, I was again a girl staring at the clouds and in love with the life that is yet to come.
Tijana Stupljanin
Proleće je / It’s spring
I’ll tell you something I never would tell to anybody else
My eyes are loving you with the look that deletes the distances
My dawns are filled with your caresses
Your hands full of happiness lay in my lap
You bring me joy, the sun lights up when you smile
Tijana Stupljanin
Ja, majka / Me, the mother
Postala sam majka pre skoro 8 godina, a tek sad sam spremna da pišem o tome. Ja sam neko ko svemu u životu pristupa studiozno i volim da budem spremna za sve moguće (i nemoguće :-)) scenarije. Čitala sam sve o trudnoći, pripremi za porođaj, vodila dnevnik trudnoće, išla na vežbe pripreme za porođaj, išla u školu roditeljstva, seminare na temu porođaja i roditeljstva, prečešljala sve o svim porodilištima u Beogradu, pa i o porodilištu u Pančevu koje ima dobar program za porođaj po meri trudnice, ma jedino na šta nisam otišla, jer sam kasno čula i nisam mnogo znala o tome, a nisam ni imala podršku da krenem da razmišljam u tom pravcu, jeste obuka kod dule za porođaj kod kuće, mada sam i o tome čitala i divila se, onako iz daleka.
Moj prvi porođaj je bio potpuno drugačiji od svega što sam pročitala, čula i vežbala! Klasičan traumatični, indukovani, porođaj prvorotke, samo u mom slučaju još i bez epidurala. Ne želim o tom iskustvu da pišem, jer time ne bih nikome pomogla, rećiću samo da je svaka trudnoća priča za sebe baš kao i svaki porođaj i baš kao i svaka beba koja nakon toga dođe na svet. Samo ću reći da ako znate da ćete biti pod indukcijom zaista dobro razmislite i o epiduralu, ja sam naivno mislila da moja prirodna elastičnost, visok prag bola i decenija bolnih ciklusa mogu da preguraju porođaj, ali indukcija nije prirodna sila i ne može se prirodom pobediti, iz mog iskustva.
U svakom slučaju, posle dva dana u porodilištu, došle smo kući moja bekana i ja i igranka je počela. Dala mi je taman toliko fore da mi se gvožđe, koje je čudom nestalo iz mog krvotoka, malo podigne na normalu i da mogu da sednem iole pristojno, a onda su krenuli grčevi, pa teško uspavljivanje. Nosali smo je, pevali, nunali, masirali, otkrili panda položaj na ruci, pa white noise, koji je nju kao smirivao, ali zato mog muža izluđivao :D. Ja sam u svom zamišljenom idealu planirala da joj ne dajem cuclu, nisam je ni kupila, dojila sam je kad god je tražila ili plakala. Sva sreća pa je moja sestra, već iskusna majka, prilikom prve posete donela cuclu. Čini mi se da se ni grčevi još nisu skroz završili, nju su počeli da svrbe desni, balavila je, sve što joj se nađe u vidnom polju stavljala u usta, ličila je na klovna sa crvenom farbom oko usta. Uspavljivanje je i dalje bilo čista akrobatika! Rećiću vam samo da je prvi put prespavala celu noć i to nekoliko noći za redom sa punih godinu i po dana! Ja još uvek nemam taj luksuz.
Dojenje mi je bilo jako važno i za to sam se pripremala upijajući sve savete. Tek sam sa drugim detetom shvatila da mi prvo dete nije uopšte bilo dobro postavljeno za sisanje, ali šta je tu je, čovek se uči dok je živ. Kad su prošle ragade, koje su većim delom bile posledica upravo loše postavljene bebe na dojku (obavezno pitajte neku babicu ili iskusnu dojilju da vam pokaže kako se u startu beba postavlja), dojenje mi je bilo najlepši deo materinstva, toliko nežnosti, lepote, ljubavi, bliskosti i mira u tako jednostavnom činu, dojenje je čisto služenje božanskom sa najvišim smislom!
Koliko sam uživala u dojenju, toliko mi je muke zadavalo menjanje pelena. Ne mislim na tehniku prepovijanja, to sam savladala lako, kao iskusna tetka dve divne duše. Činilo mi se da moje dete non stop kaki i piški i ozbiljno trenira moju izdržljivost. Presvuci dete pre podoja, presvukla, podojila, dete se ukakilo, presvuci ponovo. Presvuci dete posle podoja, dete zaspalo na sisi, nit’ da je budiš, nit’ da je ostaviš da spava sa punom pelenom! Nemoguća misija. Onda podrigivanje, majko moja, nosaj u specijalnom položaju, lupkaj po leđima, ali pogodi pravo mesto. Taman mislim, podrignula je, uspavam i spustim u krevetac, ne prođe ni 10 minuta, eto nje ili se ukakila ili nije do kraja podrignula.
Eh, kad se samo setim svih dogodovština! Ipak, to su sve najslađe muke, jer one male čudesne stvari koje se dešavaju u međuvremenu su toliko divne da sam stalno bila u zahvalnosti što svedočim tom čudu od života koje se odvija pred mojim očima i na mojim rukama.
Tijana Stupljanin
/
I became a mother almost 8 years ago, and only now am I ready to write about it. I am someone who approaches everything in life studiously and I like to be ready for all possible (and impossible :-)) scenarios. I read everything about pregnancy, preparation for childbirth, kept a pregnancy diary, went to childbirth preparation exercises, went to parenting school, seminars on childbirth and parenthood, combed everything about all maternity hospitals in Belgrade, including the maternity hospital in Pancevo which has a good childbirth program tailored for a pregnant woman, the only thing I didn’t go to, because I heard about it a bit late and didn’t know much about, and I didn’t even have the support to start thinking in that direction, is training for giving birth at home, although I also read about it and admired it, from afar.
My first childbirth was completely different from everything I read, heard and practiced! Classic traumatic, induced, birth of a first-born, only in my case without an epidural. I don’t want to write about that experience, because I wouldn’t help anyone with that, I’ll just say that every pregnancy is a story for itself, just like every birth is and just like every baby that comes into the world after that. I’ll just say that if you know you’re going to be induced, think really well about the epidural, I naively thought that my natural elasticity, high pain threshold, and decades of painful cycles could push through childbirth, but induction is not a natural force and can’t be beaten naturally. From my experience.
Anyway, after two days in the maternity hospital, my baby and I came home and the party started. She gave me just enough time to get my iron, which miraculously disappeared from my bloodstream, to rise a little to normal and to be able to sit at all decently, and then the cramps started, and then hard times putting her to sleep. We carried her, sang, swayed, massaged, discovered the panda position on the arm, then the white noise, which calmed her down, but drove my husband crazy: D. In my imagined ideal, I planned not to give her a pacifier, I didn’t even buy it, I breastfed her whenever she asked or cried. Luckily, my sister, already an experienced mother, brought a pacifier during the first visit. It seemed to me that the cramps are not completely over yet, her gums started itching, she was drooling, she put everything that was in her field of vision in her mouth, she looked like a clown with red paint around her mouth. Putting her to sleep was still pure acrobatics! I’ll just tell you that she slept through the night for the first time, several nights in a row when she was a year and a half old! I still don’t have that luxury.
Breastfeeding was very important to me and I prepared for it by absorbing all the advice. It was only with the second child that I realized that my first child was not well placed for breastfeeding at all, but what is there is, a man learns while he is alive. When the nipple soreness was over, which were mostly the result of a badly placed baby on the breast (be sure to ask a midwife or an experienced breastfeeding mother to show you how to put the baby in the beginning), breastfeeding was the most beautiful part of motherhood, so much tenderness, beauty, love, intimacy and peace in such a simple act, breastfeeding is pure service to the divine with the highest meaning!
As much as I enjoyed breastfeeding, changing the diapers troubled me so much, on the other hand. I don’t mean the changing technique, I mastered it easily, as an experienced aunt of two wonderful souls. It seemed to me that my child was constantly pooping and peeing and seriously training my endurance. They say change the diaper before breastfeeding, I changed the diaper, breastfeed, the baby pooped, change the baby again. Then, change the baby after breastfeeding, the baby fell asleep on the breast, neither to wake her up, nor to leave her to sleep with a full diaper! Mission Impossible. Then burping, oh my god, carry her in a special position, tap her back, but hit the right place. Just as I think she burped, she falls asleep and I put her down in the crib, not even 10 minutes passes, there she is, she either filled her diaper or didn’t burp all the way.
Eh, when I just remember all the adventures! Still, these are all the sweetest torments, because those little miraculous things that are happening in the meantime are so wonderful that I have always been grateful to witness that miracle of life unfolding before my eyes and on my hands.
Tijana Stupljanin
kapljicezivota/thedropsoflife 