Miris kiše u proleće

April već privodi svoje dane kraju, sve se više oseća dah proleća. Jutros me je probudila kiša, vodila sam dete u vrtić i u povratku udahnula svež kišoviti dan. Taj miris kiše u proleće… Kako to opisati? To je doživljaj svih čula, miriše trava, miriše drveće nekom posebnom svežinom koja, za razliku od jesenjih kiša, greje.

Ako ste imali tu sreću da provodite proleća negde u prirodi, kao što sam ja sve prolećne i većinu letnjih raspusta provodila u Aranđelovcu kod babe i dede, u krošnjama Bukovičkog parka i senkama prohladnih povečerja sa Bukulje, možda i vas miris kiše u proleće vrati u mladost.

Nisam nešto posebno nostalgična, ali taj miris mokre šume, pokisle nedavno pokošene trave, taj osećaj da vreme ne teče u tom savršenom trenutku bezbrižnosti i mladalačkog sanjarenja, kao da je ostao zapisan zauvek u mojim nozdrvama.

Srećna sam i zahvalna što sam danas, na tren, ponovo bila devojčica zagledana u oblake i zaljubljena u život koji tek dolazi.

Tijana Stupljanin

Proleće je / It’s spring

I’ll tell you something I never would tell to anybody else

My eyes are loving you with the look that deletes the distances

My dawns are filled with your caresses

Your hands full of happiness lay in my lap

You bring me joy, the sun lights up when you smile

Tijana Stupljanin

Ja, majka / Me, the mother

Postala sam majka pre skoro 8 godina, a tek sad sam spremna da pišem o tome. Ja sam neko ko svemu u životu pristupa studiozno i volim da budem spremna za sve moguće (i nemoguće :-)) scenarije. Čitala sam sve o trudnoći, pripremi za porođaj, vodila dnevnik trudnoće, išla na vežbe pripreme za porođaj, išla u školu roditeljstva, seminare na temu porođaja i roditeljstva, prečešljala sve o svim porodilištima u Beogradu, pa i o porodilištu u Pančevu koje ima dobar program za porođaj po meri trudnice, ma jedino na šta nisam otišla, jer sam kasno čula i nisam mnogo znala o tome, a nisam ni imala podršku da krenem da razmišljam u tom pravcu, jeste obuka kod dule za porođaj kod kuće, mada sam i o tome čitala i divila se, onako iz daleka.

Moj prvi porođaj je bio potpuno drugačiji od svega što sam pročitala, čula i vežbala! Klasičan traumatični, indukovani, porođaj prvorotke, samo u mom slučaju još i bez epidurala. Ne želim o tom iskustvu da pišem, jer time ne bih nikome pomogla, rećiću samo da je svaka trudnoća priča za sebe baš kao i svaki porođaj i baš kao i svaka beba koja nakon toga dođe na svet. Samo ću reći da ako znate da ćete biti pod indukcijom zaista dobro razmislite i o epiduralu, ja sam naivno mislila da moja prirodna elastičnost, visok prag bola i decenija bolnih ciklusa mogu da preguraju porođaj, ali indukcija nije prirodna sila i ne može se prirodom pobediti, iz mog iskustva.

U svakom slučaju, posle dva dana u porodilištu, došle smo kući moja bekana i ja i igranka je počela. Dala mi je taman toliko fore da mi se gvožđe, koje je čudom nestalo iz mog krvotoka, malo podigne na normalu i da mogu da sednem iole pristojno, a onda su krenuli grčevi, pa teško uspavljivanje. Nosali smo je, pevali, nunali, masirali, otkrili panda položaj na ruci, pa white noise, koji je nju kao smirivao, ali zato mog muža izluđivao :D. Ja sam u svom zamišljenom idealu planirala da joj ne dajem cuclu, nisam je ni kupila, dojila sam je kad god je tražila ili plakala. Sva sreća pa je moja sestra, već iskusna majka, prilikom prve posete donela cuclu. Čini mi se da se ni grčevi još nisu skroz završili, nju su počeli da svrbe desni, balavila je, sve što joj se nađe u vidnom polju stavljala u usta, ličila je na klovna sa crvenom farbom oko usta. Uspavljivanje je i dalje bilo čista akrobatika! Rećiću vam samo da je prvi put prespavala celu noć i to nekoliko noći za redom sa punih godinu i po dana! Ja još uvek nemam taj luksuz.

Dojenje mi je bilo jako važno i za to sam se pripremala upijajući sve savete. Tek sam sa drugim detetom shvatila da mi prvo dete nije uopšte bilo dobro postavljeno za sisanje, ali šta je tu je, čovek se uči dok je živ. Kad su prošle ragade, koje su većim delom bile posledica upravo loše postavljene bebe na dojku (obavezno pitajte neku babicu ili iskusnu dojilju da vam pokaže kako se u startu beba postavlja), dojenje mi je bilo najlepši deo materinstva, toliko nežnosti, lepote, ljubavi, bliskosti i mira u tako jednostavnom činu, dojenje je čisto služenje božanskom sa najvišim smislom!

Koliko sam uživala u dojenju, toliko mi je muke zadavalo menjanje pelena. Ne mislim na tehniku prepovijanja, to sam savladala lako, kao iskusna tetka dve divne duše. Činilo mi se da moje dete non stop kaki i piški i ozbiljno trenira moju izdržljivost. Presvuci dete pre podoja, presvukla, podojila, dete se ukakilo, presvuci ponovo. Presvuci dete posle podoja, dete zaspalo na sisi, nit’ da je budiš, nit’ da je ostaviš da spava sa punom pelenom! Nemoguća misija. Onda podrigivanje, majko moja, nosaj u specijalnom položaju, lupkaj po leđima, ali pogodi pravo mesto. Taman mislim, podrignula je, uspavam i spustim u krevetac, ne prođe ni 10 minuta, eto nje ili se ukakila ili nije do kraja podrignula.

Eh, kad se samo setim svih dogodovština! Ipak, to su sve najslađe muke, jer one male čudesne stvari koje se dešavaju u međuvremenu su toliko divne da sam stalno bila u zahvalnosti što svedočim tom čudu od života koje se odvija pred mojim očima i na mojim rukama.

Tijana Stupljanin

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I became a mother almost 8 years ago, and only now am I ready to write about it. I am someone who approaches everything in life studiously and I like to be ready for all possible (and impossible :-)) scenarios. I read everything about pregnancy, preparation for childbirth, kept a pregnancy diary, went to childbirth preparation exercises, went to parenting school, seminars on childbirth and parenthood, combed everything about all maternity hospitals in Belgrade, including the maternity hospital in Pancevo which has a good childbirth program tailored for a pregnant woman, the only thing I didn’t go to, because I heard about it a bit late and didn’t know much about, and I didn’t even have the support to start thinking in that direction, is training for giving birth at home, although I also read about it and admired it, from afar.

My first childbirth was completely different from everything I read, heard and practiced! Classic traumatic, induced, birth of a first-born, only in my case without an epidural. I don’t want to write about that experience, because I wouldn’t help anyone with that, I’ll just say that every pregnancy is a story for itself, just like every birth is and just like every baby that comes into the world after that. I’ll just say that if you know you’re going to be induced, think really well about the epidural, I naively thought that my natural elasticity, high pain threshold, and decades of painful cycles could push through childbirth, but induction is not a natural force and can’t be beaten naturally. From my experience.

Anyway, after two days in the maternity hospital, my baby and I came home and the party started. She gave me just enough time to get my iron, which miraculously disappeared from my bloodstream, to rise a little to normal and to be able to sit at all decently, and then the cramps started, and then hard times putting her to sleep. We carried her, sang, swayed, massaged, discovered the panda position on the arm, then the white noise, which calmed her down, but drove my husband crazy: D. In my imagined ideal, I planned not to give her a pacifier, I didn’t even buy it, I breastfed her whenever she asked or cried. Luckily, my sister, already an experienced mother, brought a pacifier during the first visit. It seemed to me that the cramps are not completely over yet, her gums started itching, she was drooling, she put everything that was in her field of vision in her mouth, she looked like a clown with red paint around her mouth. Putting her to sleep was still pure acrobatics! I’ll just tell you that she slept through the night for the first time, several nights in a row when she was a year and a half old! I still don’t have that luxury.

Breastfeeding was very important to me and I prepared for it by absorbing all the advice. It was only with the second child that I realized that my first child was not well placed for breastfeeding at all, but what is there is, a man learns while he is alive. When the nipple soreness was over, which were mostly the result of a badly placed baby on the breast (be sure to ask a midwife or an experienced breastfeeding mother to show you how to put the baby in the beginning), breastfeeding was the most beautiful part of motherhood, so much tenderness, beauty, love, intimacy and peace in such a simple act, breastfeeding is pure service to the divine with the highest meaning!

As much as I enjoyed breastfeeding, changing the diapers troubled me so much, on the other hand. I don’t mean the changing technique, I mastered it easily, as an experienced aunt of two wonderful souls. It seemed to me that my child was constantly pooping and peeing and seriously training my endurance. They say change the diaper before breastfeeding, I changed the diaper, breastfeed, the baby pooped, change the baby again. Then, change the baby after breastfeeding, the baby fell asleep on the breast, neither to wake her up, nor to leave her to sleep with a full diaper! Mission Impossible. Then burping, oh my god, carry her in a special position, tap her back, but hit the right place. Just as I think she burped, she falls asleep and I put her down in the crib, not even 10 minutes passes, there she is, she either filled her diaper or didn’t burp all the way.

Eh, when I just remember all the adventures! Still, these are all the sweetest torments, because those little miraculous things that are happening in the meantime are so wonderful that I have always been grateful to witness that miracle of life unfolding before my eyes and on my hands.

Tijana Stupljanin

Kuda vodi ovaj put? / Where does this road go?

“U životu postoje samo dva puta i oba vode na isto odredište, u smrt. Jedan od njih je put srca. Koji ćeš izabrati?”

Ne znam ko je autor ove pričice, to mi je možda promaklo. Za ovu mudrost čula sam od jedne divne, autentične žene Tamare Etera, pa ću evo ovde njoj dati kredit.

Toliko sam se često pitala o smislu života i u mladosti, možda više u metafizičkom smislu, ali i sada kada sam negde na sredini životnog puta i praktično. Kažem na sredini jer čini mi se da svi živimo sa tom nekom pretpostavkom da ćemo doživeti bar neki prosečni životni vek. Ali ko nam to garantuje? Prvo, ko mi garantuje prosečan životni vek? Drugo, čak i ako doživim duboku starost, da li to znači da sam živela više/kvalitetnije? Šta je merilo dobrog života, da li koliko sam dugo poživela ili koliko sam kvalitetno živela, a opet šta znači živeti kvalitetno?

Kada se zaista suočim sa ovom prvom ISTINOM, da ovaj život sigurno vodi u smrt i da ćemo svi jednom doći na kraj puta, da li mi ovo saznanje donosi mir ili nemir? Ako mi donosi nemir, znači da ne živim put srca. Ova DRUGA istina može biti čak i bolnija od prve, jer kod prve je naša odgovornost umanjena. Većina ljudi veruje da postoji sudnji dan za svaku dušu i ma šta radili u životu, kad taj dan dođe nema nazad. Ja, ipak, verujem da je slobodna volja ultimativni princip i da, nekada, i duša može da se predomisli i promeni tok svoje sudbine. Svakako, smrt neće niko od nas izbeći, samo je možemo posmatrati kao kraj ili kao novi početak…

Začkoljica sa slobodnom voljom je upravo ta da je sva odgovornost mog života u mojim rukama. Kada razmišljam o svom životnom putu i dalje se pitam, često oklevam, možda još uvek više sanjam život nego što ga živim? Često se setim ove mudrosti i pitam se, kada bi se moj život sada završio, za čim bih žalila? Ili, ako doživim starost pa se osvrnem na pređeni put, da li bih bila srećna i spokojna ili bih htela nešto da menjam? Svesna sam da ne živim svoj put srca svakog dana, ali sam zadovoljna i sa tim da se zahvaljujem i molim svakoga dana za vođstvo da ga ne gubim iz vida. Često mi se i pokaže da i neke sitne stvari koje radim naizgled stihijski, sa nekog aspekta životnog puta imaju svoje mesto i smisao.

Za mene u ovom sadašnjem trenutku (a šta drugo i posedujemo?) živeti kvalitetno znači usklađivati se sa svojom dušom što češće, osluškivati svoje srce i pratiti intuiciju, poštovati svoje telo, biti u ljubavi i zahvalnosti sa životnim okolnostima i naći način da podelim svoju autentičnost sa što više ljudi. Gde si ti SADA u svom životu?

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“There are only two paths in life and both lead to the same destination, to death. One of them is the path of the heart. Which will you choose?”

I don’t know who the author of this story is, I may have missed it. I heard about this wisdom from a wonderful, authentic woman, Tamara Etera, so I will give her the credit.

I have so often wondered about the meaning of life in my youth, perhaps more in the metaphysical sense, but also now that I am somewhere in the middle of my life also practically. I say in the middle because it seems to me that we all live with that assumption that we will experience at least some average life expectancy. But who guarantees us that? First, who guarantees me an average lifespan? Secondly, even if I live to be a very old age, does that mean that I have lived more/better? What is the measure of a good life, how long have I lived or how well have I lived, and again, what does it mean to live well?

When I really face this first TRUTH, that this life surely leads to a death and that we will all come to the end of the road one day, does this knowledge brings me peace or unrest? If it brings me restlessness, it means I am not living the path of the heart. This SECOND truth can be even more painful than the first one, because with the first one our responsibility is diminished. Most people believe that there is a judgment day for every soul and no matter what they do in life, when that day comes there is no going back. However, I believe that free will is the ultimate principle and that, sometimes, the soul can change its mind and change the course of its destiny. Of course, none of us will escape death, we can only look at it as the end or as a new beginning…

The catch with the free will is precisely that all the responsibility of my life is in my hands. When I think about my life path I still wonder, I often hesitate, maybe I still dream of life more than I live it? I often remember this wisdom and wonder, if my life would end now, what would I regret? Or, if I live to an old age and look back on the journey, would I be happy and calm or would I want to change something? I am aware that I do not live my way of the heart every day, but I am also pleased to thank and pray every day for guidance so that I do not lose a sight of it. It is often shown to me that some small things that I do seemingly spontaneously, from some aspect of my life path, have their place and meaning. For me in this present moment (and what else do we have?) to live well means to align with my soul as often as possible, listen to my heart and follow my intuition, respect my body, be in love and gratitude with the life’s circumstances and find a way to share my authenticity with as many people as possible. Where are you in your life NOW?

Tijana Stupljanin

Istina će te osloboditi / The truth will set you free

Kada iz tebe izađe novi život, taj prvi dodir, prvi pogled na potpuno novo biće učini da u trenu spoznaš svu veličinu Boga, života, kreacije.

Ogromni potencijal koji svaka duša donosi na ovaj svet odjednom postaje opipljiv. U tom majušnom telu, ti vidiš diva. Neobjašnjiva je roditeljska ljubav i vera i nada, a nada poslednja umire.

Ume da bude zeznuta ta nada. Držimo je se čak i kad znamo, kad jednim delom duše osećamo istinu, istinu koja možda boli, ali je sve jedno tu i neće nestati samo zato što je ignorišemo ili potiskujemo.

Ipak, ta nada nas drži na površini, daje nam snagu da ne potonemo, podgreva nam veru dok ne postanemo spremni za istinu. A istina… Istina će nas osloboditi.

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When a new life comes right out of you, that first touch, the first look at that brand new being makes you perceive all the magnificence of God, life, creation.

Enormous potential that every soul brings to this world suddenly becomes tangible. In that tiny body, you see a giant. Parental love and faith and hope is just inexplicable, and the hope dies last.

That hope can be tricky. We hold on to it even if we know, when we feel with one part of our soul the truth, the truth that may hurt, but is nevertheless there and won’t disappear just because we ignore it or suppress it.

However, that hope is keeping us on the surface, gives us strength not to sink below, warms up our faith until we become ready for the truth. And the truth… The truth will set you free.

Tijana Stupljanin

Magija obične žene / Magic of the ordinary woman

Obična žena, ona koja tka nevidljivi omotač zaštite oko svojih voljenih. Ona koja bdi nad dečijim snom. Žena koja kao magijom drži porodicu na okupu, zlatnim nitima spaja sa ognjištem i one koji odu daleko. Nije ona ni kuvarica ni spremačica. Ona je čarobnica koja od hrane pravi gozbu, od ružnih snova bajku, iz briga iznedri nadu, iz straha hrabrost.

Znate svi bar jednu takvu, običnu ženu koja stvara neobičnu svakodnevicu. Jednom rukom kuva, drugom čuva, trećom mazi, četvrtom krpi, petom drži knjigu, šestom kupi veš, sedmom sprema kuću, osmom grli, devetom grdi, desetom se šminka, jedanaestom neguje, dvanaestom…

Ona je sve to: majka, žena, supruga, domaćica, kuvarica, drugarica, plesačica, vidarka, negovateljica, keva, vaspitačica, zabavljačica, ljubavnica, sekretarica, krojačica, učiteljica, vila i veštica.

Magija obične žene je ona nevidljiva snaga, ljubav i poverenje što drži porodicu na okupu, što od malih, običnih stvari svija gnezdo puno ljubavi.

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An ordinary woman, one who weaves an invisible sheath of protection around her loved ones. The one who watches over a child’s dream. A woman who, as if by magic, keeps the family together, with the golden threads connects to the hearthstone those who go far. She is neither a cook nor a cleaner. She is a sorceress who makes a feast out of food, a fairy tale out of bad dreams, hope out of worry, courage out of fear.

You all know at least one such, ordinary woman who creates an unusual daily life. She cooks with one hand, guards with the other, caresses with the third, stitching clothes with the fourth, holds a book with the fifth, folds clothes with the sixth, cleans the house with the seventh, hugs with the eighth, scold with the ninth, puts on make-up with the tenth, nurtures with the eleventh…

She is all that: a mother, a wife, a woman, a housewife, a cook, a friend, a dancer, a healer, a caregiver, a mom, an educator, an entertainer, a lover, a secretary, a tailor, a teacher, a fairy and a witch.

The magic of an ordinary woman is that invisible strength, love and trust that keeps the family together, that bends a nest full of love from small, ordinary things.

Tijana Stupljanin

Da li brojite svoje godine? / Do you count your years?

Prošlog meseca sam napunila 40 godina. Da li je 40 godina puno ili malo? Ko može na to tačno da odgovori? Ako pitate šestogodišnjaka, rećiće vam da je to previše godina, a ako pitate osamdesetogodišnjaka, on će samo odmahnuti rukom i reći da je to ništa. I stvarno, šta znači broj godina? Šta on određuje? U mnogim društvima kada čovek pređe četrdesetu, otvoreno ili prećutno, smatra se da je već star i da njegov život kreće nizvodnom putanjom. Mislim da je to zastareo i potpuno neopravdan stav, a da ne kažem koliko je štetan! Ja se ne osećam staro, ne izgledam staro, mnogi moji vršnjaci se tek žene i udaju, tek planiraju porodicu, neko tek započinje svoj biznis, iskreno i ja se osećam kao da moj život tek počinje. Sakupila sam svoje greške i uspehe i spremna sam da okrenem novi list.

Neka istraživanja o značenju broja 40 su fascinantna. Postavljaju se pitanja zašto se u pravoslavlju pomen duši daje posle 40 dana, zašto Božićni post traje tačno 40 dana, da li je slučajno Mojsije lutao pustinjom 40 dana, da li je slučajno veliki potop trajao baš 40 dana? Naša poznata književnica Mirjana Đapo, u knjizi „Elysion”[1] pišući o ovom fenomenu, između ostalog, kaže: Uzimajući 40 kao ispunjenje jedne životne faze, Talmud, a kasnije i katolička crkva, označili su ovaj broj kao ’kanonsko doba’ čoveka, što znači da je čovekov intelekt tada najrazvijeniji. Zaista, savremeni psiholozi često uočavaju određene promene u razvoju ličnosti kratko nakon nastanka 40-ih; pogled na biografije poznatih pruža dodatni dokaz za ovakva promišljanja.

Jedna mudrost kaže: neko se rodi star, a neko umre mlad u 101. godini. Za sve u životu postoji pravo vreme, ali se ono ne meri brojem godina. Da li su godine važne? Da, meni jesu, ali ne u onom uobičajenom smislu, sklonija sam da mislim, kao u gore citiranoj rečenici, da su četrdesete važna prekretnica u životu svakog čoveka kada je on spreman da u punoj snazi zasija. Možda je vreme da se neki mostovi spale, možda da se započne nešto potpuno novo, možda da se uvedu neke teške promene, donesu nove odluke, pokrenu neki davno sanjani snovi…

Mislim da je svaka dekada u životu bitna, da nam donosi neke nove izazove, nove uvide. Mi nismo isti sa 11, 25, 30 godina. Menjamo se, sazrevamo, učimo, odrastamo, menjaju se naše želje, naši prioriteti. Jedno je sigurno, čovek u četrdesetim sve teže može da živi po inerciji, ušuškan u laži koje ga žuljaju, žmureći na jedno oko da ne bi poremetio rutinu, ako ništa drugo, ovo je vreme kada i naše telo počne jače da se buni i „tera“ nas da se menjamo. Čini mi se od svega postaje najvažnije kako se zaista osećamo u svojoj koži, u svom životu, a ne kako sve to drugima izgleda.

Na kraju, nekako se vratimo ponovo na početak, prastara mudrost u jednoj rečenici Upoznaj samoga sebe, jer vezu koju gradimo sami sa sobom je temelj svake druge veze i odnosa! Ako uspemo da zaista osetimo svoje telo, poslušamo svoje misli, preispitamo svoje stavove, zavolimo sebe u celosti i prigrlimo glas svoje duše, ne postoji ništa što ne možemo da radimo i sa 55, 67 ili 89 godina. Šta vi mislite o tome? Da li samo brojite svoje godine ili ih živite?

[1] Mirjana Đapo: Elysion: roman. “Arte”, Beograd, 2010.

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Last month I turned 40. Is 40 a lot or not? Who can give a correct answer to that? If you ask a six-year-old, they’ll tell you it is too many years, but if you ask an eighty-years-old, they’ll just shake off their hand and say it’s nothing. And really, what does the number of years mean? What does it determine? In many societies when someone turns 40 it is implied, explicitly or implicitly, that that person is old and that his life is now starting to decline. I think it is outdated and entirely unjustified attitude, not to mention how harmful it is! I do not feel old, I do not look old, many of my peers are just getting married, just starting planning a family, someone is just starting their business, and to be honest I too have a sense that my life is just beginning. I have gathered my mistakes and successes and I am now ready to turn the new page around.

Some researches about the meaning of the number 40 are fascinating. Questions like why in Orthodox Christianity the commemoration to the soul is given 40 days after the death, why the Christmas fasting last for exactly 40 days, is it accidentally that the Moses has wondered through desert for 40 days, did the great flood last for 40 days by chance? Our well-known writer Mirjana Djapo wrote about this phenomenon in her book “Elysion”[i], among other things, she said: Taking 40 as the fulfillment of one stage of life, the Talmud, later the Catholic Church, labeled this number as the ‘canonical age of man’, meaning that man’s intellect is then at its peak. Indeed, modern psychologists often view changes in personality development shortly after turning 40; a look at the biographies of celebrities provides further evidence for such reflections.

A wise man once said: Someone is born old, and someone dies young at 101. In life, there is a right time for everything, only that time is not measured with age. Does age matter? Yes, to me it does matter, but maybe not like in a common sense of it. Similar to the cited sentence above, I am prone to think that forties are an important milestone in every man’s life, when he is ready to shine in his full glory. Maybe now the time has come to burn some old bridges, maybe it’s time to start something entirely new, perhaps some hard changes need to be introduced, some new decisions reached, a long time dreamed dreams should be initiated…

I think that every decade in life is important and that it brings us new challenges, new insights. We are not the same with 11, 25, 30 years. We are changing, developing, maturing, learning, our desires change, our priorities as well. One thing is for sure, man in his 40 can’t no longer live by inertia, tucked into the lies that pock, closing one eye just so you don’t break a routine, if nothing else, this is a time when our bodies start to rebel more “pushing us” to change. Seems like it is becoming more about how I really feel in my own skin, in my life and not how it appears to others.

At the end, we somehow come to the beginning, an ancient wisdom in one sentence: Know thy self, because the relationship that we build with ourselves is the ground stone of every other relationship and commitment! If we can manage truly to feel our bodies, listen to our thoughts, to reconsider our views, love ourselves entirely and embrace the voice of our soul, there is nothing we can’t do even at 55, 67 or 89 years of age. What do you think about that? Do you just count your years or do you live them?

[i] Mirjana Djapo: Elysion: the novel. “Arte”, Belgrade, 2010.

 

Umetnost naša nasušna /Art Our Essential

Straight-away the ideas flow in upon me, directly from God, and not only do I see distinct themes in my mind’s eye, but they are clothed in the right forms, harmonies, and orchestration.
—Johannes Brahms

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Ideje se neposredno ulivaju u mene, direktno od Boga, i ne samo da u očima svog uma vidim jasne teme, već su one obučene u prave forme, harmonije i orkestracije.

– Johanes Brams

Umetnost je razgovor duše i Boga. Ona nam prenosi važnu poruku o stvaranju i večnosti. Govori nam, ko ume da čuje, da svi nosimo isti izvor u sebi. Božanska priroda koja stvara, koja ne poznaje granice i nema rok trajanja. To sveto mesto koje nas ispuni kada stvaramo, prenosi se direktno sa duše na dušu. Zato mnogima promakne ta lepota, taj neprocenjivi trenutak čiste emocije koja nas povezuje sa celom Vasionom, sa svim umetnicima pre nas i sa svima onima koji će doći. Kroz umetnost možemo da doživimo, da osetimo beskonačnost.

Umetnost je potreba duše. Ljudi su stvarali umetnost i kada toga nisu bili ni svesni. Izražavanje kroz oblike i boje je dolazilo prirodno, spontano. Taj božanski deo nas je oduvek tražio da se izrazi.

Kao zrela žena počela sam da osećam nešto kao čežnju za kreativnim izrazom. Odjednom me je sve vuklo ka tome da želim da stvaram, tako je i nastao ovaj blog, odjednom me ponovo zanima umetnost u svim formama i oblicima.

Jednoga dana vidim objavu na fejsbuku da jedna slikarka drži časove slikanja, pozovem je i dogovorim sa njom čas za mene i moju ćerku, koja obožava kreativne stvari. Nisam ni znala da umem da nacrtam ceo portret. Od srednje škole se nisam igrala sa crtanjem i slikanjem, a crtala sam nekada puno. Potpuno sam zapustila taj deo sebe, a osećaj kada se “izgubiš” u nekom prostoru u sebi i samo prepustiš stvaranju, je jedna posebna vrsta meditacije i moja duša je presrećna što sam joj dopustila da se igra. A kada je duša srećna, ona onda i slika i igra i peva i ne prestaje da stvara.

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Art is the need of the soul. People were making art when they were not even aware of it. Expression through shapes and colors came naturally, spontaneously. That divine part of our being was always looking to express itself.

As a mature woman, I began to feel something like craving for creative expression. Suddenly everything was pulling me into wanting to create, that’s how this blog came about, all of a sudden I’m rediscovering my interest for art in all forms and shapes.

One day I see a post on Facebook that an artist holds painting classes, I call her and arrange with her an hour class for me and my daughter, who loves creative things. I didn’t even knew that I know how to draw the whole portrait. I have not played with drawing and painting since high school, and I used to draw a lot. I completely abandoned that part of myself, but the feeling of “losing” yourself in some space within and just letting go of creation is one particular kind of meditation and my soul is overjoyed that I let it out to play. And when the soul is happy, then it also paints and plays and sings and does not stop creating.

Ljubav Moja Mila / My Dear* Love

Čulo se jasno i snažno. Sa svakim otkucajem tvoga srca, moje je kucalo još jače. Da li sam te oduvek volela? Jedno znam sigurno, zaljubila sam se u tebe dok si još bila želja.

Tvoj prvi stisak ruke, prvi pogled koji govori milion reči i u kome se ogleda čitav Univerzum i sve zvezde nebeske sijaju punim sjajem kao da kažu – ja sam nešto posebno, jedinstveno, moja ljubav će promeniti sve. O da, promenila je, ni ne slutiš koliko! Mene najviše…

Ljubav sve menja. Ljubav je naš put do večnosti.

Obećavam ti, neću te nikada posedovati. Naša će ljubav biti slobodna, osvajati vrhove, ali znaj da ćeš u mome srcu uvek imati dom.

Molim te samo, sačuvaj u sebi komadić moje večnosti i taj osmeh beskrajni.

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You could hear it clearly and strong. With every beat of your heart, mine was beating even harder. Did I love you since forever? I know one thing for sure, I fell in love with you when you were only a wish.

The first grip of your hand, the first look that speaks a million words and in which the entire Universe mirrors itself, and all the stars in the sky shine in their full splendor saying – I am something special, unique, my love will change everything. Oh yeah, it did change, you can’t even imagine how much! Mostly me…

Love changes everything. Love is our road to eternity.

I promise you I will never own you. Our love will be free, conquer the peaks, but know that within my heart you will always have a home.

Please, I beg you though, keep the bit of my eternity inside you and that infinite smile.

*Word Dear translated in Serbian Mila is used both as an adjective and as a girl name