Magična jesen / Autumn of magic

Zlatna i bakarna na Miholjskom suncu, raskoš boja i diskretno najavljena blizina zime miluje romantika u meni. Nedavno je nebo omađijao predivni, prepuni Žetveni mesec. Oktobar je vreme žetve, vina, završavanja poslova pre nego što počne zima, hvatanje poslednjih snopova sunca koje prelazi sve kraći put dok ne počine u noć. Pun mesec me toliko inspiriše, blizina zime budi mačku u meni, sanjivu i željnu topline.

Kad Beograd postane siv i mokar, maglovit i hladan, moje celo biće žudi da se ušuška uz voljeno biće ili ćebe, toplu kafu ili kakao, dobru knjigu ili film. Nekada bih samo gledala kroz prozor i pohodila svoj unutrašnji svet i u tome je za mene magija jeseni. Kada se spoljašnji život umiruje i vreme provedeno napolju smanjuje na najmanju meru, budi se naše biće. Ja sam sklona introspekciji i volim da se osamim i uronim u svoje misli, da se prepustim maštarenju. Ove jeseni je kod mene sve to pojačano, valjda je takva godina, kažu svi, sada je vreme da se budimo, menjamo, rastemo iznutra…

Sutra će mesec biti mlad, a to je dobar trenutak da se postave namere, želje, ciljevi, da se iskreira nešto lepo o čemu sanjamo, što priželjkujemo, ali stvarno (ne jednoga dana, ne ako se desi samo od sebe), čemu se vraćamo kada se osećamo dobro, što nas doziva kada nam je svega drugog dosta. Samo jedan korak napravite sutra ka sebi.

I da, ja sam se zaljubila ove jeseni, umesto melanholije i čekanja da zima prođe pa da se ponovo aktiviram, ja sam se zaljubila u svoj život sada!

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Golden and copper in the Indian summer sun, the splendor of colors and the discreetly announced closeness of winter caresses the romantic in me. Recently, the sky was enchanted by the beautiful, full Harvest Moon. October is the time of harvest, wine, finishing work before winter begins, catching the last beams of sun that cross the shorter and shorter path until it dies into the night. The full moon inspires me so much, the proximity of winter awakens the cat in me, dreamy and eager for warmth.

When Belgrade becomes gray and wet, foggy and cold, my whole being longs to snuggle up with a loved one or a blanket, hot coffee or cocoa, a good book or a movie. Sometimes I would just look out the window and visit my inner world and that is the magic of autumn for me. When the external life calms down and the time spent outside is reduced to a minimum, our being wakes up. I am prone to introspection and I like to be alone and immerse myself in my thoughts, to indulge in fantasies. This fall, everything has intensified for me, I guess it’s such a year, everyone says, now is the time to wake up, change, grow from within…

Tomorrow the moon will be young, and that is a good moment to set intentions, desires, goals, to create something beautiful that we dream about, that we wish for, but really (not one day, not if it happens by itself), to what we return to when we feel good, which calls us when we have had enough of everything else. Just take one step towards yourself tomorrow.

And yes, I fell in love this fall, instead of melancholy and waiting for winter to pass to become active again, I fell in love with my life now!

Tijana Stupljanin

Staze kojima idemo sami / Paths on which we walk alone

Želim da podelim sa vama jednu priču. Napisala ju je žena kojoj se divim i koja mi je postala uzor. Osim njenih tekstova i onoga što piše o njoj kao autoru više knjiga, ne znam mnogo o toj ženi i njenom životu, ali ono što znam je da piše dušom i otvorenim srcem, a to je već dovoljno za prepoznavanje. Još su mudri latini rekli: “Slično se sličnom raduje”. (lat. Similis Simili Gaudet.)

“Gledala sam u sunce večeras. U blizini je stajao mladić. Potom smo zajedno krenuli svako svojoj kući. U tih nekoliko minuta dok se nismo oprostili, vrlo smireno, učtivo i pametno mi je govorio o svojim iskustvima sa Suncem. Rekao je i da se skriva od rođaka kad posmatra Sunce, jer mu je tetka rekla da je sektaš! Smejali smo se toj proceni, mada nije smešno. Ljudi koji se bave sobom drugima izgledaju čudno i sumnjivo. Dugo već gledamo tuđ tanjir, postelju i dvorište, pa smo zaboravili da gledajući u Sunce osvetlimo preostale tamne ćoškove naših duša…”[1]

Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

Tako uglavnom biva, ljudi osuđuju ili zaziru od onoga što ne razumeju. Moja porodica je prihvatila da je moj put malo drugačiji od uobičajenog, ali tek kada su videli dobrobiti svega toga “čudnog” u mom životu. Ipak, još uvek čujem, čak i od najbližih – šta će ti to?

Teško je kada naiđete na nerazumevanje ljudi do kojih vam je stalo i koji su sastavni deo vašeg života. Ono što sam shvatila je da svako od nas ima svoj put, mi možemo svojim primerom da osvetlimo ponešto u životu svojih bližnjih i da ih podstaknemo na promenu, ali je izbor njihov. Ne možemo, a ja bih rekla da i ne smemo, živeti tuđe živote, a još manje na silu pomagati bilo kome, pa i najrođenijem. Ono što možemo da uradimo, mi koji radimo na sebi, jeste da razumemo, prihvatimo i oprostimo.

Baš kao što nas zove naše srce da tragamo, da učimo, da iskusimo nešto više od utvrđenog puta većine i mi ne možemo da napustimo taj put, jer bi to značilo izdaju sopstvene duše i propadanje našeg tela, tako ni svi ljudi ne mogu osećati, razmišljati i funkcionisati kroz život na isti način kao mi.

Mene je razmišljanje na ovu temu dovelo do zaključka da, sa jedne strane, postoje ljudi koji imaju urođene sisteme za rešavanje problema i samoodbranu i opstanak, koji im pomažu da se brzo i lako izbore sa životnim izazovima i pred nekim teškim situacijama i padovima, brzo povrate svoj mir, zdravlje, sreću… Njima zaista joga, reiki, theta healing, meditacije, esencijalna ulja, BARS, EFT, NLP, energetska psihologija, kvantna medicina i razne druge tehnike i metode deluju čudno i sumnjivo, jer oni postižu rezultate potpuno instinktivno, podsvesno, spontano i ne znajući da ustvari primenjuju mudrosti, znanja i principe koji su utkani u svaku od ovih tehnika. I normalno je da oni pitaju nekoga ko meditira: “Šta će ti to?”.

Sa druge strane, mnogi ljudi nisu voljni da se menjaju, a rad na sebi to zahteva. Mnogi prebacuju odgovornost za svoj život na druge i omalovažavaju sve što nije opšteprihvaćeno. Od lekara traže zdravlje, od sveštenika duhovni mir, od okoline saosećanje i zarobljeni su u začaranom krugu žrtve-dželata i spasioca koji je izvan njih samih, a osuđuju svakoga ko preuzme odgovornost za svoj život i traži način da pomogne sebi služeći se tzv. alternativnim metodama. Ima i onih ljudi koji će otići na jogu, kod travara, na sto i jednu edukaciju, isprobati sve tehnike tražeći rešenje za svoju boljku, ali neće prstom mrdnuti da promene suštinski sve što je neophodno promeniti u svom životu da bi iscelili tu svoju boljku, i onda će reći: “ Sve sam probala, bila sam i kod ovoga i kod onoga i ništa od toga mi nije pomoglo, to je sve šarena laža!”.

Nije suština u metodama i tehnikama, suština je u nama. Kada se uskladimo sa sobom i svojom dušom, svaka metoda će raditi za nas. Stvar je u tome da prestanemo da osuđujemo i počnemo da razumemo. Svi smo jedinstveni i svako ima svoj put, ako u svojoj najbližoj sredini ne nađete saputnike na tom putovanju, potražite ih negde drugde, ne morate koračati sami, ali možete ako je to vaš izbor.


[1] Priča „Svetlo“ iz knjige – Ne bih ovo mogla bez tebe, Brankica Damjanović, Beograd 2016, Skalarbooks.

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I want to share one story with you. It was written by a woman I admire and who has become my role model. Aside from her texts and what she writes about her as the author of multiple books, I don’t know much about that woman and her life, but what I do know is that she writes with a soul and from an open heart, and that’s enough for recognition. Even wise Latins said, “Similar rejoices to similar.” (lat. Similis Simili Gaudet.)

“I was looking at the sun tonight. A young man was standing nearby. Then we each went to each other’s home. In those few minutes until we said goodbye, he spoke to me very calmly, politely and cleverly about his experiences with the Sun. He also said that he was hiding from his relatives when he was watching the Sun, because his aunt told him that he was a sectarian! We laughed at that assessment, although it’s not funny. People who work on themselves to others look strange and suspicious. We have been looking at someone else’s plate, bed and yard for a long time, so we forgot to look at the Sun to illuminate the remaining dark corners of our souls… ”[i]

This is mostly the case people condemn or shy away from what they do not understand. My family accepted that my path was a little different than usual, but only when they saw the benefits of all that “weird” in my life. However, I still hear, even from those closest to me, what do you need that for?

It’s hard when you come across a misunderstanding of the people you care about and who are an integral part of your life. What I realized is that each of us has its own path, we can illuminate something in the lives of our loved ones by our example and encourage them to change, but the choice is theirs. We can’t, and I would say we must not, live other people’s lives, let alone help anyone by force, even our own blood. What we can do, we who work on ourselves, is to understand, accept and forgive.

Just as our heart calls us to seek, to learn, to experience something more than the established path of the majority, and we cannot leave that path, because that would mean betrayal of our own soul and the decay of our body, so not all people can feel, think and function through life in the same way as we do.

Thinking about this topic led me to the conclusion that, on the one hand, there are people who have innate systems for problem solving and self-defense and survival, which help them to quickly and easily cope with life’s challenges and in the face of some difficult situations and falls, quickly regain their peace, health, happiness… Yoga, reiki, theta healing, meditations, essential oils, BARS, EFT, NLP, energy psychology, quantum medicine and various other techniques and methods seem strange and suspicious to them, because they achieve results completely instinctively, subconsciously, spontaneously and not knowing that they are actually applying the wisdom, knowledge and principles that are woven into each of these techniques. And it is normal for them to ask someone who is meditating: “What do you need that for?”.

On the other hand, many people are not willing to change, and working on yourself requires it. Many shift the responsibility for their lives to others and derogate everything that is not generally accepted. They demand health from doctors, spiritual peace from priests, compassion from their surroundings and they are trapped in a vicious circle of victim-executioner and savior who is outside of themselves, and they condemn anyone who takes responsibility for their lives and seeks a way to help themselves by using the so-called alternative methods. There are also those people who will go to yoga, to herbalists, to a hundred and one education, try all the techniques looking for a solution to their pain, but they will not move a finger to change essentially everything that needs to be changed in their life to be able to heal the pain, and then they will say: “I tried everything, I was with this and that and none of that helped me, it’s all a colorful lie!”.

The essence is not in methods and techniques, the essence is in us. When we align with ourselves and our soul, each method will work for us. The point is to stop judging and start understanding. We are all unique and everyone has their own path, if you do not find companions on that journey in your immediate environment, look for them somewhere else, you do not have to walk alone, but you can if it is your choice.

Tijana Stupljanin


[i] The story “Light” from the book – I could not do this without you, Brankica Damjanović, Belgrade 2016, Skalarbooks.

Umetnost naša nasušna /Art Our Essential

Straight-away the ideas flow in upon me, directly from God, and not only do I see distinct themes in my mind’s eye, but they are clothed in the right forms, harmonies, and orchestration.
—Johannes Brahms

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Ideje se neposredno ulivaju u mene, direktno od Boga, i ne samo da u očima svog uma vidim jasne teme, već su one obučene u prave forme, harmonije i orkestracije.

– Johanes Brams

Umetnost je razgovor duše i Boga. Ona nam prenosi važnu poruku o stvaranju i večnosti. Govori nam, ko ume da čuje, da svi nosimo isti izvor u sebi. Božanska priroda koja stvara, koja ne poznaje granice i nema rok trajanja. To sveto mesto koje nas ispuni kada stvaramo, prenosi se direktno sa duše na dušu. Zato mnogima promakne ta lepota, taj neprocenjivi trenutak čiste emocije koja nas povezuje sa celom Vasionom, sa svim umetnicima pre nas i sa svima onima koji će doći. Kroz umetnost možemo da doživimo, da osetimo beskonačnost.

Umetnost je potreba duše. Ljudi su stvarali umetnost i kada toga nisu bili ni svesni. Izražavanje kroz oblike i boje je dolazilo prirodno, spontano. Taj božanski deo nas je oduvek tražio da se izrazi.

Kao zrela žena počela sam da osećam nešto kao čežnju za kreativnim izrazom. Odjednom me je sve vuklo ka tome da želim da stvaram, tako je i nastao ovaj blog, odjednom me ponovo zanima umetnost u svim formama i oblicima.

Jednoga dana vidim objavu na fejsbuku da jedna slikarka drži časove slikanja, pozovem je i dogovorim sa njom čas za mene i moju ćerku, koja obožava kreativne stvari. Nisam ni znala da umem da nacrtam ceo portret. Od srednje škole se nisam igrala sa crtanjem i slikanjem, a crtala sam nekada puno. Potpuno sam zapustila taj deo sebe, a osećaj kada se “izgubiš” u nekom prostoru u sebi i samo prepustiš stvaranju, je jedna posebna vrsta meditacije i moja duša je presrećna što sam joj dopustila da se igra. A kada je duša srećna, ona onda i slika i igra i peva i ne prestaje da stvara.

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Art is the need of the soul. People were making art when they were not even aware of it. Expression through shapes and colors came naturally, spontaneously. That divine part of our being was always looking to express itself.

As a mature woman, I began to feel something like craving for creative expression. Suddenly everything was pulling me into wanting to create, that’s how this blog came about, all of a sudden I’m rediscovering my interest for art in all forms and shapes.

One day I see a post on Facebook that an artist holds painting classes, I call her and arrange with her an hour class for me and my daughter, who loves creative things. I didn’t even knew that I know how to draw the whole portrait. I have not played with drawing and painting since high school, and I used to draw a lot. I completely abandoned that part of myself, but the feeling of “losing” yourself in some space within and just letting go of creation is one particular kind of meditation and my soul is overjoyed that I let it out to play. And when the soul is happy, then it also paints and plays and sings and does not stop creating.

Budi posmatrač / Be the observer

Zatvori oči i kreni. Opipavaj u svom ritmu svoje unutrašnje biće, dok ne stigneš do onog udobnog, savršenog mesta gde je sve dobro, lepo, toplo i beskrajno. Nekome pomaže da se zamisli na svom omiljenom mestu, neko se priseća svog najlepšeg momenta sa nekim koga voli, neko poslednjeg trenutka sreće, šta god pomaže u redu je. Kada smo na tom našem mestu, dišemo fino, lagano, počinjemo da primećujemo kako nam srce kuca i tu počinje posmatranje…

Posmatramo sve što se dešava, u nama, na nama, oko nas. Sve je kao na filmskom platnu, a mi smo u udobnoj stolici, opušteni, ali budni, gledamo film.

Postoje različite tehnike, razni učitelji, ali to je ukratko suština meditacije, sedeti u miru i tišini sa sobom i svojim okruženjem i samo posmatrati sve doživljaje kao da nisu naši. Primećuješ, naravno, naleteo je povetarac, mačka je zamjaukala, deca su izašla na odmor, komšija se tušira, utrnula ti je noga, postaje vruće i sl… Suština je da nas ti doživljaji ili događaji ne pogađaju, da ne izazivaju osećanja i misli.

Naravno da nije lako biti samo posmatrač sebe i svog života. Potrebna je vežba, kao za bilo koju veštinu, i upornost. Možda je neko uspeo iz prve? Ja nisam, razmišljala sam uvek puno i o svemu, a kada i uspem da utišam misli iskočila bi neka pesma koje nisam mogla da se otarasim. Srećom, imala sam dobrog učitelja i vežbala sam u kontinuitetu. Iako ne meditiram često, puno mi znači što brzo mogu da stignem na to svoje sveto mesto gde je sve savršeno mirno i ispunjeno ljubavlju, a iz takve pozicije i tihog uma, svaka situacija izgleda bolje i rešenja dolaze brže.

Često u životu ne vidimo šumu od drveća, a često je potrebno iskoračiti iz događaja koji nas okupira i što je više emocija u tom događaju i što su emocije jače, to nam je taj iskorak potrebniji da bismo sagledali širu sliku, umirili osećanja i svoje misli i doneli odluku iz srca, tj. centra svog bića. Takva odluka će možda podići nekoliko leptirića u stomaku, ali nas neće uzburkati, prosto će nam leći i otvoriće se nova vrata i prozori sa svežim izborima i beskrajnim mogućnostima.

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Close your eyes and let’s go. In your own rhythm feel your inner being, until you reach that cozy, perfect place where everything is good, beautiful, warm and endless. For some people it helps to imagine their special place, for someone it is a memory of a wonderful moments spent with someone they love, others think about the last time they were happy, whatever helps it is fine. When we are at that place of ours, we breathe nicely, slowly, we start to notice our heart beats and that’s where the observation begins…

We observe everything that happens inside of us, on our body, around us. Everything is as on a movie screen and we are in a comfy chair, relaxed but awake, watching a movie.

There are different techniques and various teachers, however this is in short the essence of meditation, sitting in peace and quiet with oneself and the surroundings and merely observe experiences as if they do not belong to us. You will notice, of course, the breeze just went by, the cat meowed, the kids just went out on a school break, the neighbor is taking a shower, your leg just went numb, it is getting pretty warm and so on… The key is not to give those experiences and occurrences a significance, don’t allow them to trigger any emotions or thoughts.

Being just an observer of yourself and your life is not an easy task for sure. It takes practice and endurance, as any skill. Maybe someone has succeeded right away? I did’t, I was always thinking about everything and anything, and even when I managed to calm my brain down, a song would pop up out of nowhere and just refused to go away. Luckily, I had a great teacher and I was practicing continuously. Although I do not meditate often, it means a world to me that I can swiftly reach that holy place of mine, where everything is perfectly calm and filled with love, and from such a perspective and a quiet mind, every situation looks better and the solutions come faster.

More often in our lives we fail to see the forest for the trees and many times it is necessary to step out from the event that occupies us. The more emotional the event is and the stronger the emotions are, there is a greater necessity to make that step and perceive the bigger picture, calm down our emotions and thoughts and make a decision from within our heart i.e. from the center of our being. That kind of decision will, perhaps, rise a few butterflies in our stomach, but it will never upset us, it will simply fall into place and open up a new doors and windows of fresh choices and infinite possibilities.

Buđenje / Awakening

Život je konstantna promena. Sve oko nas je u cikličnom kretanju, pa i svi procesi u našem telu takođe, i mi kao deo prirode imamo potencijal da se krećemo u tom ritmu. Ako uporedimo ljudsko telo i drvo, vidimo da su u kori drveta upisani godovi, kažu da kora drveta pamti, a isto se kaže i za ljudsku kožu, ipak jedno drvo u samo jednoj godini umre i ponovo se rodi, podari novo seme iz koga može da iznikne sasvim novo drvo, čak i iz posečenog drveta, ako ostane panj, može da nikne nova mladica. Svakoga dana u prirodi možemo videti milion “malih čuda”, zašto mislimo da se ta čuda ne mogu desiti i nama, zar nismo i mi deo te čarobne prirode? Činjenica je da će stresna situacija, povreda, teža bolest… ostaviti ožiljke u nama i po nama, ali je isto tako činjenica da mi sve to možemo prevazići i krenuti iz početka. Mislim da je ključ da se savkoga dana ispraznimo od svih negativnosti koje su nas dotakle toga dana, da se napunimo pozitivnom energijom, bilo kroz druženje sa prirodom ili druženje sa dobrom knjigom, filmom, muzikom, a najlepše je u zagrljaju voljene osobe, i onda zakoračiti u novi dan sveži i okupani dobrim snom, “kao ponovo rođeni” krenuti u novi dan otvorenog uma, otvorenog srca, ispunjeni ljubavlju! Sunce se ponovo rađa, sunce se svakog dana ponovo rađa!

Budi sunce, budi zvezdano nebo, budi reka koja preobražava sve u dobro…

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Life is a constant change. Everything around us is moving in cycles, all the processes in our body as well, and as a part of the nature, we too have the potential to move in that rhythm. Should we make a comparison between human body and a tree, we notice the rings imprinted in the bark of a tree, they say the bark of a tree has a memory and the same thing is said for the human skin. A tree dies and reborn all in a year, it gives a seed from which a new tree can sprout, even if the tree is cut down, if the stump remains, a new offspring will arise. Every day we can witness to a million “little wonders” in the nature, why do we think these wonders don’t happen to us too, aren’t we a part of that miraculous nature? The fact is that a stressful situation, an injury, a bad sickness… will leave scars within us and on us, but it is also a fact that we can overcome it all and start all over again. I think that the key is to clear from all the negativity we have encountered during a day, then to fill up with a good energy, whether from being in the nature or spending time in a company of a nice book, a movie, listening to a music, and the most beautifully in someone’s loving hug, and then step into a new day fresh and renewed with the good night sleep, “like a reborn” welcome a new day with an open mind, open heart, filled with love! The sun comes out again, the sun comes out again every day!

Be the sun, be the sky full of stars, be a river that transforms everything into good…

Verujući / Believing

“Bog je u tebi i svuda oko tebe. Ne u oblicima od drveta ili kamena. Zagrebi bilo koje drvo i on je tu, pomeri bilo koji kamen i njega ćeš naći.” Veruje se da su ovo istinite reči istorijskog Isusa.

Život je čin vere, zato ga i ne možemo objasniti, uvek će nas iznenaditi nečim novim i nedokučivim. Baš kao što smo i mi sami deo njega, nedokučivi i neistraženi do kraja. Dokle god ne odgonetnemo sebe nećemo znati odgovor na vekovna pitanja: šta je život? Odakle dolazim? Kuda idem? Istina je dostupna onima koji veruju. Samo tako ovaj svet ima neki smisao.

Tata mi je često govorio: „Ne beri cveće po Jupiteru“. Šta ja tu mogu, volim taj miris zemlje neke daleke, koja postoji samo u mom srcu. Ne mogu ni da zamislim kakav bi mi život bio da nisam otkrila te daljine. Ja nisam od ovoga sveta i ne mogu da ga shvatim. Zato žudim za mirisom toploga leta i nestvarom moga sveta.

Verujem da je važniji taj unutrašnji svet koji otkrivamo i oblikujemo ceo život od svega što nas okružuje. Verujem da je ključ života u nama, dok nam proživljena iskustva služe kao putokazi, tzv. znakovi pored puta, koje ako umemo da prepoznamo mogu da nam budu odlični vodiči na putu u središte srca, odn. duše. A duša sve zna, samo je treba umeti čuti i verovati u njenu veličinu i snagu.

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“God is in you and all around you. Not in the forms of wood or stone. Scrape any tree and he is there, move any stone and you will find him.” These are believed to be the true words of the historical Jesus.

Life is an act of faith, that’s why we can’t explain it, it will always surprise us with something new and incomprehensible. Just as we are a part of it, incomprehensible and unexplored to the end. Until we figure out ourselves, we will not know the answer to the age-old questions: what is life? Where do I come from? Where am I going? The truth is available to those who believe. This is the only way this world makes sense.

Dad often told me: “Don’t pick flowers on Jupiter.” I can’t help it, I love that smell of a distant land, which exists only in my heart. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t discover those distances. I am not of this world and I cannot understand it. That is why I long for the smell of a hot summer and the unreality of my world.

I believe that the inner world that we discover and shape our whole life is more important than everything that surrounds us. I believe that the key to life is within us, while the lived experiences serve us as signposts, the so-called signs alongside the road, which if we can acknowledge them can be a great guides on the way to the center of the heart, of our soul. And the soul knows everything, you just need to be able to hear it and believe in its greatness and strength.

Tijana Stupljanin

Upoznaj samoga sebe / Get to know yourself

Koliko je mala jedna kap vode iz okeana, a opet sadrži u sebi ceo okean. Šta je kap mog postojanja u odnosu na okean života? Kako to lepo kaže Cesarić:

Taj san u slapu da bi mogo sjati,
I moja kaplja pomaže ga tkati.

Ja verujem u sebe. Verujem u prirodu i u Boga, kao bezgraničnu, savršenu, vanvremensku energiju, koja ima svoj cilj i svoje principe. Ona na jednom višem nivou uređuje ovaj svet i pravi ravnotežu. Verujem u kosmičku pravdu i njene zakone koji su isti za sve. Posmatrano iz te perspektive svi smo mi samo broj na mapi bezbrojnih života, ali verujući u sebe i gradeći svoj život svom svojom energijom i voljom, činimo da se i naš broj računa.

Ko sam ja? Koliko puta sam sebi postavila ovo pitanje. Da li sam ja ono što mislim da jesam? Nisam sigurna, jer u svojim mislima sam mnogo više, i hrabra i pametna i pravedna i velikodušna i samouverena i sposobna i spretna i još mnogo toga što su me učili da treba da budem i o čemu sam čitala da su vrline koje uvek vrede, koje su na ceni  i za koje se nekada plaćalo čak i životom. Istina je da su to sve ideali kojima težim i za koje sam sigurna da su izraz duhovnosti i čovečnosti koje su vredne življenja, ali je isto tako istina da tek pred velikim izazovom, u izvanrednim situacijama koje u deliću sekunde mogu zauvek promeniti naš život, naš svet, zaista spoznajemo svoju suštinu i za šta smo sve sposobni. Ako u takvim trenucima uspemo da prepoznamo delić večnosti i iskonske Božanske ljubavi u nama, na dobrom smo putu spoznaje i možda jednoga dana naši ideali postanu deo nas.

Kada izgubiš srce u bezgraničnoj ljubavi, dobijaš beskonačnu radost svog bića. Kada izgubiš iluziju onoga sto misliš da ti treba, dobiješ baš ono što želiš. Kada izgubiš ideju o tome ko misliš da jesi i šta treba da budeš, dobijaš sebe na dar.

Ja sam jedan nesavršeni deo celine, a celina je moj savršeni deo…

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How small is one drop of water from the ocean, and yet it contains the whole ocean. What is the drop of my existence in relation to the ocean of life? As Cesarić[i] nicely says:

That dream in the waterfall to be able to shine,

My little drop too helps weave it.

I believe in myself. I believe in nature and in God, as a boundless, perfect, timeless energy, which has its goal and its principles. It regulates this world on a higher level and creates balance. I believe in cosmic justice and its laws that are the same for everyone. Viewed from that perspective, we are all just a number on the map of countless lives, but by believing in ourselves and building our lives with all our energy and will, we seem to count our number as well.

Who I am? How many times have I asked myself this question. Am I what I think I am? I’m not sure, because in my mind I’m much more, brave and smart and just and generous and confident and capable and skilful and much more of what they taught me that I should be and what I read are the virtues that always have worth, for which the price was once paid even with life itself. It is true that these are all ideals that I strive for and that I am sure are an expression of spirituality and humanity that are worth living for, but it is also true that only before a great challenge, in extraordinary situations that can change our lives, our world, forever, we really realize our essence and what we are capable of. If in such moments we manage to recognize a part of eternity and primordial Divine love in us, we are on a good path of knowing and maybe one day our ideals will become a part of us.

When you lose your heart in boundless love, you gain the infinite joy of your being. When you lose the illusion of what you think you need, you get exactly what you want. When you lose the idea of who you think you are and what you should be, you get yourself as a gift.

I am an imperfect part of the whole, and the whole is my perfect part …


[i] Dobriša Cesarić (10 January 1902 – 18 December 1980) was a Croatian poet and translator born in Požega.

Teorija o životu uopšte / A theory of life in general

Šta je život? Rođenje, radost, tuga, odrastanje, bol, ljubav, sreća, patnja, radost, padanje i ustajanje, smrt i šta posle? Večita pitanja: da li život ima smisla, i ako ima koji je to smisao?

Život to sam ja. Bez mene život i ne postoji. Moj život je moj smisao. Ja postojim u ovom životu, na ovoj planeti sa svrhom da živim svoj život najbolje što mogu, na način koji izaberem, a ja sam odabrala ljubav. Uh, pa svi biraju ljubav, reći ćete. Da, svi žele ljubav, ali neki ljudi samo čekaju da im ljubav dođe i nakupe puno negativnih osećanja u tom čekanju, a kada im čekanje dosadi, pristaju na sve. Dok neki, poput mene, krenu na daaalek put u potrazi za ljubavlju. Napatila sam se ja na tom putu, nije da nisam, i plakala i jadikovala i stalno osećala nedostatak te iste ljubavi koju sam tako očajnički tražila, da ne kažem jurila. I malo je falilo da odustanem, da se “pomirim sa sudbinom”, da pristanem na nešto što samo liči na ljubav, ali se brzo istroši. Znate šta je bilo na kraju tog puta? Naišao je princ na belom konju, poljubio me i razbio zle čini… I wish! Ne, ne, ali i to je došlo posle. Posle čega? Posle saznanja da ljubav nije tamo negde i da ljubav ne može niko da mi da; da ljubav nije patnja, da ljubav ne boli, da ljubav nikako ne znači samouništenje zbog nekoga ili nečega. Da se život ne živi zbog drugih i za druge, da je ljubav preduslov života i život sam, da je ljubav u meni, da je ta ljubav veća i od mene i od mog života. Na kraju tog puta sam prihvatila sebe i prigrlila ljubav i rešila da volim, a ne da budem voljena i onda je zaista naišao moj princ, ne baš na belom konju, mada jeste bila zima i padao je sneg kada smo se prvi put poljubili.

I tako, život teče… Uvek me je privlačila ona misao – Život je reka, utopi se ili plivaj! Ono što mi je zadavalo muke, doduše, bilo je što sam veći deo života plivala uzvodno, jer je neko tamo nekada (najverovatnije neki Srbin), rekao da je život težak! Od malena nas mažu ratničkim bojama, a onda odjednom čuješ: uspori, opusti se, uživaj, pomiriši cvet, pogledaj u nebo, poslušaj cvrkut ptica… A ja kažem, filtriraj sve što čuješ, napiši sam svoj scenario, usmeri tu reku  na svoju vodenicu i igraj, igraj, igraj.

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What is life? Birth, joy, sorrow, growing up, pain, love, happiness, suffering, joyfulness, stumbling and rising, death and what next? Eternal questions: does life have meaning, and if so, what is the meaning of life?

Life, it is me. Without me, life does not exist. My life is my meaning. I exist in this life, on this planet with the purpose of living my life the best I can, in the way I choose, and I have chosen love. Uh, well everyone chooses love, you’ll say. Yes, everyone wants love, but some people just wait for love to come to them and accumulate a lot of negative feelings in that wait, and when they get tired of waiting, they agree to everything. While some, like me, set out on a long journey in search of love. I suffered on that journey, it’s not that I didn’t, and I cried and lamented and constantly felt the lack of that same love that I was so desperately looking for, I might as well say chased it. And I almost gave up, I almost “came to terms with my destiny”, almost agreed to something that only looks like love, but quickly wears out. You know what happened at the end of that trip? The prince came on a white horse, kissed me and broke my evil spells… I wish! No, no, but that did come later. After what? After learning that love is not out there somewhere and that no one can give me love; that love is not suffering, that love does not hurt, that love by no means stand for self-destruction for someone or something. That life is not lived for the sake of others and for others, that love is a precondition of life and life itself, that love is in me, that this love is greater than me and my life. At the end of that journey, I accepted myself and embraced love and decided to love, not to be loved, and then my prince really came along, not exactly on a white horse, although it was winter and it was snowing when we first kissed.

And so, life flows… I was always attracted by that thought – Life is a river, drown or swim! What bothered me, however, was that I swam upstream for most of my life, because someone there once (most likely a Serb) said that life is hard! We have been painted with warrior colors since we were little, and then suddenly you hear: slow down, relax, enjoy, smell the flower, look at the sky, listen to the birds chirping… And I say, filter everything you hear, write your own script, direct that river to your mill and play, play, play.

Tijana Stupljanin