Tag: soul

Gde je tu Duša? / Where is the Soul in all that?

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Ni u okruženju ni u nasleđu ne mogu pronaći pravi instrument koji me je oblikovao, onaj bezimeni valjak koji je na moj život utisnuo izvesni zamršeni vodeni žig, čija neponovljiva šara postaje vidljiva tek kada kroz arak života propustimo svetlo umetnosti.

Vladimir Nabokov – Govor, sećanja (iz knjige “Kod duše”, Džejms Hilman)

Ne znam da li sam usamljena u tome, ali kada sam bila mala devojčica imala sam osećaj kao da živim u nekom paralelnom svetu. U nekim trenucima dok sam sama i zaokupljena nečim, osetila bih skoro pa prisustvo nečega što nije opipljivo. Ja sam to doživljavala kao magiju, kao ples sa nečim prelepim što mi pripada, a nije materijalno. To su momenti u kojima vreme ne prolazi, tiho je i skoro sveto. Vuklo me je nešto da razgledam, a kasnije i čitam knjige ne baš svojstvene deci: rečnike, enciklopedije, priručnike, biografije, istorijske knjige. Sve o čoveku me je zanimalo. O njegovom postanku, o životu na Zemlji, o smislu i svrsi postojanja.

Znala sam oduvek da postoji nešto više od golog života, i što sam se više udaljavala od tog mističnog jezgra, život mi je imao sve manje smisla. Kao da me je u nekom trenutku neko otrgao iz tog čarobnog sveta. Počela sam da se vezujem za materiju i osetila sav užas i besmisao takvog života i to me je mučilo, kao da sam i sama proživljavale sav taj pad čovečnosti i duhovnosti kroz koji su prolazili ljudi kroz vekova, pa sve do sadašnjeg trenutka.

Ne govorim o razlogu življenja, smislu života uopšte ili o filozofiji nekog religijskog vjeruju. Knjiga ne pretenduje da pruži odgovore na takva pitanja. Ona se obraća osećanju svakog od nas da postoji opravdanje za to što moja jedinstvena, neponovljiva ličnost postoji u ovom svetu, te da ima stvari koje nadilaze svakodnevicu i za koje se moram pobrinuti kako bi ta svakodnevica dobila razlog postojanja; osećanju da svet na neki način želi da ja budem tu, da sam odgovoran za jednu urođenu predstavu čije obrise popunjavam u sopstvenoj biografiji.

Džejms Hilman, Kod duše

Tek sada se ponovo osećam kao izraz božanskog koji je tu sa razlogom. Ponovo se povezujem sa svojom dušom koja zna sve puteve i nepogrešivo me vodi do smisla. Lepo je na tom putu imati saveznike i male podsetnike koji me korak po korak približavaju sebi.

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Neither in the environment nor in the heritage can I find the right instrument that shaped me, that nameless roller that has pressed upon my life a certain intricate watermark, whose unique design becomes visible only when we let the light of art shine through life’s foolscap.

Vladimir Nabokov – Speak, Memory (from the book “The Soul’s Code”, James Hillman)

I’m not sure that I am lonely in this, but when I was a little girl I felt like I was living in a parallel world. In some moments while I am alone and preoccupied with something, I would almost feel the presence of something that is not tangible. I experienced it as magic, as a dance with something beautiful that belongs to me, and it is not material. These are moments when time does not pass, it is quiet and almost sacred. I was drawn to observe and later to read the books that are not very typical for children: dictionaries, encyclopedias, manuals, biographies, history books. Everything about humans interested me. I was eager to learn about human’s origin, about life on Earth, about the meaning and purpose of existence.

I always knew that there was something more than a bare life, and the further I moved away from that mystical core, the less meaning my life had. It was as if at some point someone had pooled me out of that magical world. I began to attach myself to matter and felt all the horror and meaninglessness of such a life, and it tormented me, as if I myself had experienced all that decline of humanity and spirituality that people have gone through throughout the centuries, until the present moment.

I’m not talking about the reason for living, the meaning of life in general or the philosophy of a religious believing. The book does not pretend to provide answers to such questions. It addresses the feeling of each of us that there is a justification for my unique, unrepeatable personality to exist in this world, and that there are things that transcend everyday life and that I must take care of them that everyday life gets a reason to exist; the feeling that the world in some way wants me here, that I am responsible for an innate expression whose outlines I fill in my own biography.

James Hillman, The Soul’s Code

Only now do I feel again as an expression of the divine who is there for a reason. I reconnect with my soul that knows all the ways and unmistakably leads me to purpose. It is nice to have allies and small reminders on that path that leads me step by step closer to self.

Tijana Stupljanin

Magična jesen / Autumn of magic

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Zlatna i bakarna na Miholjskom suncu, raskoš boja i diskretno najavljena blizina zime miluje romantika u meni. Nedavno je nebo omađijao predivni, prepuni Žetveni mesec. Oktobar je vreme žetve, vina, završavanja poslova pre nego što počne zima, hvatanje poslednjih snopova sunca koje prelazi sve kraći put dok ne počine u noć. Pun mesec me toliko inspiriše, blizina zime budi mačku u meni, sanjivu i željnu topline.

Kad Beograd postane siv i mokar, maglovit i hladan, moje celo biće žudi da se ušuška uz voljeno biće ili ćebe, toplu kafu ili kakao, dobru knjigu ili film. Nekada bih samo gledala kroz prozor i pohodila svoj unutrašnji svet i u tome je za mene magija jeseni. Kada se spoljašnji život umiruje i vreme provedeno napolju smanjuje na najmanju meru, budi se naše biće. Ja sam sklona introspekciji i volim da se osamim i uronim u svoje misli, da se prepustim maštarenju. Ove jeseni je kod mene sve to pojačano, valjda je takva godina, kažu svi, sada je vreme da se budimo, menjamo, rastemo iznutra…

Sutra će mesec biti mlad, a to je dobar trenutak da se postave namere, želje, ciljevi, da se iskreira nešto lepo o čemu sanjamo, što priželjkujemo, ali stvarno (ne jednoga dana, ne ako se desi samo od sebe), čemu se vraćamo kada se osećamo dobro, što nas doziva kada nam je svega drugog dosta. Samo jedan korak napravite sutra ka sebi.

I da, ja sam se zaljubila ove jeseni, umesto melanholije i čekanja da zima prođe pa da se ponovo aktiviram, ja sam se zaljubila u svoj život sada!

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Golden and copper in the Indian summer sun, the splendor of colors and the discreetly announced closeness of winter caresses the romantic in me. Recently, the sky was enchanted by the beautiful, full Harvest Moon. October is the time of harvest, wine, finishing work before winter begins, catching the last beams of sun that cross the shorter and shorter path until it dies into the night. The full moon inspires me so much, the proximity of winter awakens the cat in me, dreamy and eager for warmth.

When Belgrade becomes gray and wet, foggy and cold, my whole being longs to snuggle up with a loved one or a blanket, hot coffee or cocoa, a good book or a movie. Sometimes I would just look out the window and visit my inner world and that is the magic of autumn for me. When the external life calms down and the time spent outside is reduced to a minimum, our being wakes up. I am prone to introspection and I like to be alone and immerse myself in my thoughts, to indulge in fantasies. This fall, everything has intensified for me, I guess it’s such a year, everyone says, now is the time to wake up, change, grow from within…

Tomorrow the moon will be young, and that is a good moment to set intentions, desires, goals, to create something beautiful that we dream about, that we wish for, but really (not one day, not if it happens by itself), to what we return to when we feel good, which calls us when we have had enough of everything else. Just take one step towards yourself tomorrow.

And yes, I fell in love this fall, instead of melancholy and waiting for winter to pass to become active again, I fell in love with my life now!

Tijana Stupljanin

Umetnost naša nasušna /Art Our Essential

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Straight-away the ideas flow in upon me, directly from God, and not only do I see distinct themes in my mind’s eye, but they are clothed in the right forms, harmonies, and orchestration.
—Johannes Brahms

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Ideje se neposredno ulivaju u mene, direktno od Boga, i ne samo da u očima svog uma vidim jasne teme, već su one obučene u prave forme, harmonije i orkestracije.

– Johanes Brams

Umetnost je razgovor duše i Boga. Ona nam prenosi važnu poruku o stvaranju i večnosti. Govori nam, ko ume da čuje, da svi nosimo isti izvor u sebi. Božanska priroda koja stvara, koja ne poznaje granice i nema rok trajanja. To sveto mesto koje nas ispuni kada stvaramo, prenosi se direktno sa duše na dušu. Zato mnogima promakne ta lepota, taj neprocenjivi trenutak čiste emocije koja nas povezuje sa celom Vasionom, sa svim umetnicima pre nas i sa svima onima koji će doći. Kroz umetnost možemo da doživimo, da osetimo beskonačnost.

Umetnost je potreba duše. Ljudi su stvarali umetnost i kada toga nisu bili ni svesni. Izražavanje kroz oblike i boje je dolazilo prirodno, spontano. Taj božanski deo nas je oduvek tražio da se izrazi.

Kao zrela žena počela sam da osećam nešto kao čežnju za kreativnim izrazom. Odjednom me je sve vuklo ka tome da želim da stvaram, tako je i nastao ovaj blog, odjednom me ponovo zanima umetnost u svim formama i oblicima.

Jednoga dana vidim objavu na fejsbuku da jedna slikarka drži časove slikanja, pozovem je i dogovorim sa njom čas za mene i moju ćerku, koja obožava kreativne stvari. Nisam ni znala da umem da nacrtam ceo portret. Od srednje škole se nisam igrala sa crtanjem i slikanjem, a crtala sam nekada puno. Potpuno sam zapustila taj deo sebe, a osećaj kada se “izgubiš” u nekom prostoru u sebi i samo prepustiš stvaranju, je jedna posebna vrsta meditacije i moja duša je presrećna što sam joj dopustila da se igra. A kada je duša srećna, ona onda i slika i igra i peva i ne prestaje da stvara.

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Art is the need of the soul. People were making art when they were not even aware of it. Expression through shapes and colors came naturally, spontaneously. That divine part of our being was always looking to express itself.

As a mature woman, I began to feel something like craving for creative expression. Suddenly everything was pulling me into wanting to create, that’s how this blog came about, all of a sudden I’m rediscovering my interest for art in all forms and shapes.

One day I see a post on Facebook that an artist holds painting classes, I call her and arrange with her an hour class for me and my daughter, who loves creative things. I didn’t even knew that I know how to draw the whole portrait. I have not played with drawing and painting since high school, and I used to draw a lot. I completely abandoned that part of myself, but the feeling of “losing” yourself in some space within and just letting go of creation is one particular kind of meditation and my soul is overjoyed that I let it out to play. And when the soul is happy, then it also paints and plays and sings and does not stop creating.

Budi posmatrač / Be the observer

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Zatvori oči i kreni. Opipavaj u svom ritmu svoje unutrašnje biće, dok ne stigneš do onog udobnog, savršenog mesta gde je sve dobro, lepo, toplo i beskrajno. Nekome pomaže da se zamisli na svom omiljenom mestu, neko se priseća svog najlepšeg momenta sa nekim koga voli, neko poslednjeg trenutka sreće, šta god pomaže u redu je. Kada smo na tom našem mestu, dišemo fino, lagano, počinjemo da primećujemo kako nam srce kuca i tu počinje posmatranje…

Posmatramo sve što se dešava, u nama, na nama, oko nas. Sve je kao na filmskom platnu, a mi smo u udobnoj stolici, opušteni, ali budni, gledamo film.

Postoje različite tehnike, razni učitelji, ali to je ukratko suština meditacije, sedeti u miru i tišini sa sobom i svojim okruženjem i samo posmatrati sve doživljaje kao da nisu naši. Primećuješ, naravno, naleteo je povetarac, mačka je zamjaukala, deca su izašla na odmor, komšija se tušira, utrnula ti je noga, postaje vruće i sl… Suština je da nas ti doživljaji ili događaji ne pogađaju, da ne izazivaju osećanja i misli.

Naravno da nije lako biti samo posmatrač sebe i svog života. Potrebna je vežba, kao za bilo koju veštinu, i upornost. Možda je neko uspeo iz prve? Ja nisam, razmišljala sam uvek puno i o svemu, a kada i uspem da utišam misli iskočila bi neka pesma koje nisam mogla da se otarasim. Srećom, imala sam dobrog učitelja i vežbala sam u kontinuitetu. Iako ne meditiram često, puno mi znači što brzo mogu da stignem na to svoje sveto mesto gde je sve savršeno mirno i ispunjeno ljubavlju, a iz takve pozicije i tihog uma, svaka situacija izgleda bolje i rešenja dolaze brže.

Često u životu ne vidimo šumu od drveća, a često je potrebno iskoračiti iz događaja koji nas okupira i što je više emocija u tom događaju i što su emocije jače, to nam je taj iskorak potrebniji da bismo sagledali širu sliku, umirili osećanja i svoje misli i doneli odluku iz srca, tj. centra svog bića. Takva odluka će možda podići nekoliko leptirića u stomaku, ali nas neće uzburkati, prosto će nam leći i otvoriće se nova vrata i prozori sa svežim izborima i beskrajnim mogućnostima.

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Close your eyes and let’s go. In your own rhythm feel your inner being, until you reach that cozy, perfect place where everything is good, beautiful, warm and endless. For some people it helps to imagine their special place, for someone it is a memory of a wonderful moments spent with someone they love, others think about the last time they were happy, whatever helps it is fine. When we are at that place of ours, we breathe nicely, slowly, we start to notice our heart beats and that’s where the observation begins…

We observe everything that happens inside of us, on our body, around us. Everything is as on a movie screen and we are in a comfy chair, relaxed but awake, watching a movie.

There are different techniques and various teachers, however this is in short the essence of meditation, sitting in peace and quiet with oneself and the surroundings and merely observe experiences as if they do not belong to us. You will notice, of course, the breeze just went by, the cat meowed, the kids just went out on a school break, the neighbor is taking a shower, your leg just went numb, it is getting pretty warm and so on… The key is not to give those experiences and occurrences a significance, don’t allow them to trigger any emotions or thoughts.

Being just an observer of yourself and your life is not an easy task for sure. It takes practice and endurance, as any skill. Maybe someone has succeeded right away? I did’t, I was always thinking about everything and anything, and even when I managed to calm my brain down, a song would pop up out of nowhere and just refused to go away. Luckily, I had a great teacher and I was practicing continuously. Although I do not meditate often, it means a world to me that I can swiftly reach that holy place of mine, where everything is perfectly calm and filled with love, and from such a perspective and a quiet mind, every situation looks better and the solutions come faster.

More often in our lives we fail to see the forest for the trees and many times it is necessary to step out from the event that occupies us. The more emotional the event is and the stronger the emotions are, there is a greater necessity to make that step and perceive the bigger picture, calm down our emotions and thoughts and make a decision from within our heart i.e. from the center of our being. That kind of decision will, perhaps, rise a few butterflies in our stomach, but it will never upset us, it will simply fall into place and open up a new doors and windows of fresh choices and infinite possibilities.

Buđenje / Awakening

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Život je konstantna promena. Sve oko nas je u cikličnom kretanju, pa i svi procesi u našem telu takođe, i mi kao deo prirode imamo potencijal da se krećemo u tom ritmu. Ako uporedimo ljudsko telo i drvo, vidimo da su u kori drveta upisani godovi, kažu da kora drveta pamti, a isto se kaže i za ljudsku kožu, ipak jedno drvo u samo jednoj godini umre i ponovo se rodi, podari novo seme iz koga može da iznikne sasvim novo drvo, čak i iz posečenog drveta, ako ostane panj, može da nikne nova mladica. Svakoga dana u prirodi možemo videti milion “malih čuda”, zašto mislimo da se ta čuda ne mogu desiti i nama, zar nismo i mi deo te čarobne prirode? Činjenica je da će stresna situacija, povreda, teža bolest… ostaviti ožiljke u nama i po nama, ali je isto tako činjenica da mi sve to možemo prevazići i krenuti iz početka. Mislim da je ključ da se savkoga dana ispraznimo od svih negativnosti koje su nas dotakle toga dana, da se napunimo pozitivnom energijom, bilo kroz druženje sa prirodom ili druženje sa dobrom knjigom, filmom, muzikom, a najlepše je u zagrljaju voljene osobe, i onda zakoračiti u novi dan sveži i okupani dobrim snom, “kao ponovo rođeni” krenuti u novi dan otvorenog uma, otvorenog srca, ispunjeni ljubavlju! Sunce se ponovo rađa, sunce se svakog dana ponovo rađa!

Budi sunce, budi zvezdano nebo, budi reka koja preobražava sve u dobro…

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Life is a constant change. Everything around us is moving in cycles, all the processes in our body as well, and as a part of the nature, we too have the potential to move in that rhythm. Should we make a comparison between human body and a tree, we notice the rings imprinted in the bark of a tree, they say the bark of a tree has a memory and the same thing is said for the human skin. A tree dies and reborn all in a year, it gives a seed from which a new tree can sprout, even if the tree is cut down, if the stump remains, a new offspring will arise. Every day we can witness to a million “little wonders” in the nature, why do we think these wonders don’t happen to us too, aren’t we a part of that miraculous nature? The fact is that a stressful situation, an injury, a bad sickness… will leave scars within us and on us, but it is also a fact that we can overcome it all and start all over again. I think that the key is to clear from all the negativity we have encountered during a day, then to fill up with a good energy, whether from being in the nature or spending time in a company of a nice book, a movie, listening to a music, and the most beautifully in someone’s loving hug, and then step into a new day fresh and renewed with the good night sleep, “like a reborn” welcome a new day with an open mind, open heart, filled with love! The sun comes out again, the sun comes out again every day!

Be the sun, be the sky full of stars, be a river that transforms everything into good…

Zvezda padalica / Shooting star

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Zamisli želju, ali moraš uzjahati svoju zvezdu padalicu… Tek kada moje srce svom snagom nešto zaželi, a moj razum to prihvati kao dobro i sve emocije su pozitivne, sa dozom straha koji mi poručuje da je to nešto vredno truda, nešto veliko što mi na momente deluje nedostižno, volja zadaje konačan udarac, a moj um se oslobađa i čini sve da ispuni tu želju i postigne cilj.

Čovek je slobodan kada probije sve granice koje je sam sebi nametnuo, kada se ne plaši, kada se ne brine, kada može sve što zamisli, jer ne razmišlja o preprekama, već o mogućnostima, o izborima. Kada izađe iz svoje ušuškanosti i navika i počne da istražuje i kreira.

Kreiraj svoj život od želja svoje duše i pusti mašti na volju. Rođeni smo sa zvezdama u očima, nogama što po zemlji hode, srcem koje doseže zvezde… Pronađi svoju zvezdu padalicu i otkrij svet beskonačnih mogućnosti. Nije potrebno mnogo želeti, dovoljna je i jedna iskrena želja kojoj se celo biće već raduje i sa radošću prima njeno ispunjenje.

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Make a wish, but you have to ride your shooting star… Only when my heart desires something with all its strength, and my mind accepts it as good and all emotions are positive, with a dose of fear that tells me that it is something worth the effort, something great that at times seems unattainable, the will gives the final blow, and my mind frees itself and does everything to fulfill that desire and achieve the goal.

Man is free when he breaks all the boundaries he has imposed on himself, when he is not afraid, when he does not worry, when he can do everything he imagines, because he does not think about obstacles, but about possibilities, about choices. When he gets out of his clutter and habit and starts researching and creating.

Create your life from the desires of your soul and let your imagination run wild. We are born with the stars in our eyes, with feet that walk on the earth, and a heart that reaches the stars … Find your shooting star and discover the world of infinite possibilities. It is not necessary to wish much, one sincere wish is enough, which the whole being is already rejoicing to and joyfully receiving the fulfillment.

Tijana Stupljanin

Verujući / Believing

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“Bog je u tebi i svuda oko tebe. Ne u oblicima od drveta ili kamena. Zagrebi bilo koje drvo i on je tu, pomeri bilo koji kamen i njega ćeš naći.” Veruje se da su ovo istinite reči istorijskog Isusa.

Život je čin vere, zato ga i ne možemo objasniti, uvek će nas iznenaditi nečim novim i nedokučivim. Baš kao što smo i mi sami deo njega, nedokučivi i neistraženi do kraja. Dokle god ne odgonetnemo sebe nećemo znati odgovor na vekovna pitanja: šta je život? Odakle dolazim? Kuda idem? Istina je dostupna onima koji veruju. Samo tako ovaj svet ima neki smisao.

Tata mi je često govorio: „Ne beri cveće po Jupiteru“. Šta ja tu mogu, volim taj miris zemlje neke daleke, koja postoji samo u mom srcu. Ne mogu ni da zamislim kakav bi mi život bio da nisam otkrila te daljine. Ja nisam od ovoga sveta i ne mogu da ga shvatim. Zato žudim za mirisom toploga leta i nestvarom moga sveta.

Verujem da je važniji taj unutrašnji svet koji otkrivamo i oblikujemo ceo život od svega što nas okružuje. Verujem da je ključ života u nama, dok nam proživljena iskustva služe kao putokazi, tzv. znakovi pored puta, koje ako umemo da prepoznamo mogu da nam budu odlični vodiči na putu u središte srca, odn. duše. A duša sve zna, samo je treba umeti čuti i verovati u njenu veličinu i snagu.

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“God is in you and all around you. Not in the forms of wood or stone. Scrape any tree and he is there, move any stone and you will find him.” These are believed to be the true words of the historical Jesus.

Life is an act of faith, that’s why we can’t explain it, it will always surprise us with something new and incomprehensible. Just as we are a part of it, incomprehensible and unexplored to the end. Until we figure out ourselves, we will not know the answer to the age-old questions: what is life? Where do I come from? Where am I going? The truth is available to those who believe. This is the only way this world makes sense.

Dad often told me: “Don’t pick flowers on Jupiter.” I can’t help it, I love that smell of a distant land, which exists only in my heart. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t discover those distances. I am not of this world and I cannot understand it. That is why I long for the smell of a hot summer and the unreality of my world.

I believe that the inner world that we discover and shape our whole life is more important than everything that surrounds us. I believe that the key to life is within us, while the lived experiences serve us as signposts, the so-called signs alongside the road, which if we can acknowledge them can be a great guides on the way to the center of the heart, of our soul. And the soul knows everything, you just need to be able to hear it and believe in its greatness and strength.

Tijana Stupljanin

Život teče sam od sebe / Life flows on its own

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Gledam svog malog andjela kako slatko spava, napućila je ustašca, ručice podigla visoko iznad glave, nešto sanja…

Razmišljam danima o svim strahovima, nadama, željama i opet strahovima, o sebi, o prošlosti i budućnosti, o životu. I kao i uvek u takvim trenucima, nemirnog sam uma, misli igraju svoju igru sumnje i zabluda, srce se plaši. Sve procenjujem, sve vagam. Više u telu nego u duši živim taj raspolućeni život i čekam da oluja prođe, da se misli stišaju, razbistre, da mogu neku pouku da izvučem, neku novu lekciju otpišem…

Sve počinje iznutra, iz jezgra, iz suštine i kad sazri pronadje svoj put napolje, izbije na površinu…

To mi daje i snagu i nadu da istrajem, da zaronim u sebe i počupam sav korov koji me pritiska i vuče ka dnu, jer znam da ću okupana svetlošću svoje duše izroniti jača, čistija i bolja.

A život teče, po nekom svom naumu i redu, i istrpi, na kraju, sve prepreke, sva skretanja koja mu nudim, iz straha da ne zalutam, iz buke uma koju ne mogu uvek da ugušim, tek po nekoj slutnji utišanog srca, čujem njegov šum koji me doziva da mu se prepustim. Vraćam mu se, na sreću, uvek, jer život je veći od nas samih i dešava se bili mi spremni ili ne.

Ranije sam mislila da je život težak, tako sam slušala valjda od starijih, i mislila sam da mu se treba suprotstavljati, boriti se za ono što želim po svaku cenu… Neke cene su ipak bile preskupe, a želje pogrešno protumačene. Istina je u staroj poslovici “sila Boga ne moli”, jer suprotstavljajući se tom toku, sputavamo i svoje želje i udaljavamo se od Boga i njegove zamisli. Dugo mi je trebalo da shvatim i prihvatim, istinu koju sam oduvek slutila iskonskom pameću, da je Bog ustvari dobar i da nam je namenio mnogo više i bolje nego što možemo da zamislimo ograničenim umom, zastrašenim srcem, ovim vremenom i prostorom.

A naša duša, naš suštinski život, beskonačan je i neuhvatljiv. O njemu su svi naši snovi, sve nade. On je od čiste mašte sazdan. Potrebno je samo voleti i verovati…

Zato večeras grlim svoju dušu, ljubim svoj život i zahvaljujem Bogu na svemu… i molim se da me ne napusti, ni sad, ni ikad, jer jedina stalna borba koju vredi voditi u ovom životu jeste borba za stišavanje uma i jačanje vere u sam život.

Celivam te poljupcima svoga srca!

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I am watching my little angel sleep sweetly, she has puffed her tiny mouth, raised her arms high above her head, she is dreaming something…

I am thinking for days now about all the fears, hopes, desires and again fears, about myself, about the past and the future, about life. And as always in such moments, my mind is restless, thoughts play their game of doubt and delusion, the heart is afraid. I evaluate everything, I weigh everything. I live that half-through life more in my body than in my soul and I am waiting for the storm to pass, for my thoughts to calm down, for me to clear up, for me to learn a lesson, to write off another lesson…

It all starts from the inside, from the core, from the essence and when it matures it finds its way out, it comes to the surface…

It gives me both strength and hope to persevere, to dive into myself and pull out all the weeds that presses me and drags me to the bottom, because I know that bathed in the light of my soul, I will emerge stronger, purer and better.

And life flows, fallowing his own plan and order, and endures, in the end, all obstacles, all the turning points I offer him, fearing of getting lost, out of the noise of the mind that I can’t always suffocate. Only by some intuition of a quiet heart, I hear his noise calling me to surrender to him. Fortunately, I always come back to him, because life is bigger than ourselves and it happens whether we are ready or not.

Some costs, however, were too high, and the wishes were misinterpreted. The truth is in the old proverb “the power does not pray the God “, because by opposing that flow, we also restrain our desires and distance ourselves from the God and his idea. It took me a long time to understand and accept, the truth that I have always sensed in the primordial mind, that the God is actually good and has intended for us far more and much better things than we can imagine with our limited mind, a frightened heart, with this time and space.

And our soul, our essential life, is infinite and elusive. All our dreams, all our hopes are about it. It is made out of pure imagination. You just have to love and believe…

So tonight, I am hugging my soul, I am loving my life and I thank the God for everything… and I pray that he does not leave me, not now or ever, because the only constant struggle worth fighting in this life is the struggle to calm the mind and strengthen the faith in life itself.

I am kissing you with the kisses of my heart!

Tijana Stupljanin

Upoznaj samoga sebe / Get to know yourself

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Koliko je mala jedna kap vode iz okeana, a opet sadrži u sebi ceo okean. Šta je kap mog postojanja u odnosu na okean života? Kako to lepo kaže Cesarić:

…

Taj san u slapu da bi mogo sjati,
I moja kaplja pomaže ga tkati.

Ja verujem u sebe. Verujem u prirodu i u Boga, kao bezgraničnu, savršenu, vanvremensku energiju, koja ima svoj cilj i svoje principe. Ona na jednom višem nivou uređuje ovaj svet i pravi ravnotežu. Verujem u kosmičku pravdu i njene zakone koji su isti za sve. Posmatrano iz te perspektive svi smo mi samo broj na mapi bezbrojnih života, ali verujući u sebe i gradeći svoj život svom svojom energijom i voljom, činimo da se i naš broj računa.

Ko sam ja? Koliko puta sam sebi postavila ovo pitanje. Da li sam ja ono što mislim da jesam? Nisam sigurna, jer u svojim mislima sam mnogo više, i hrabra i pametna i pravedna i velikodušna i samouverena i sposobna i spretna i još mnogo toga što su me učili da treba da budem i o čemu sam čitala da su vrline koje uvek vrede, koje su na ceni  i za koje se nekada plaćalo čak i životom. Istina je da su to sve ideali kojima težim i za koje sam sigurna da su izraz duhovnosti i čovečnosti koje su vredne življenja, ali je isto tako istina da tek pred velikim izazovom, u izvanrednim situacijama koje u deliću sekunde mogu zauvek promeniti naš život, naš svet, zaista spoznajemo svoju suštinu i za šta smo sve sposobni. Ako u takvim trenucima uspemo da prepoznamo delić večnosti i iskonske Božanske ljubavi u nama, na dobrom smo putu spoznaje i možda jednoga dana naši ideali postanu deo nas.

Kada izgubiš srce u bezgraničnoj ljubavi, dobijaš beskonačnu radost svog bića. Kada izgubiš iluziju onoga sto misliš da ti treba, dobiješ baš ono što želiš. Kada izgubiš ideju o tome ko misliš da jesi i šta treba da budeš, dobijaš sebe na dar.

Ja sam jedan nesavršeni deo celine, a celina je moj savršeni deo…

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How small is one drop of water from the ocean, and yet it contains the whole ocean. What is the drop of my existence in relation to the ocean of life? As Cesarić[i] nicely says:

…

That dream in the waterfall to be able to shine,

My little drop too helps weave it.

I believe in myself. I believe in nature and in God, as a boundless, perfect, timeless energy, which has its goal and its principles. It regulates this world on a higher level and creates balance. I believe in cosmic justice and its laws that are the same for everyone. Viewed from that perspective, we are all just a number on the map of countless lives, but by believing in ourselves and building our lives with all our energy and will, we seem to count our number as well.

Who I am? How many times have I asked myself this question. Am I what I think I am? I’m not sure, because in my mind I’m much more, brave and smart and just and generous and confident and capable and skilful and much more of what they taught me that I should be and what I read are the virtues that always have worth, for which the price was once paid even with life itself. It is true that these are all ideals that I strive for and that I am sure are an expression of spirituality and humanity that are worth living for, but it is also true that only before a great challenge, in extraordinary situations that can change our lives, our world, forever, we really realize our essence and what we are capable of. If in such moments we manage to recognize a part of eternity and primordial Divine love in us, we are on a good path of knowing and maybe one day our ideals will become a part of us.

When you lose your heart in boundless love, you gain the infinite joy of your being. When you lose the illusion of what you think you need, you get exactly what you want. When you lose the idea of who you think you are and what you should be, you get yourself as a gift.

I am an imperfect part of the whole, and the whole is my perfect part …

[i] Dobriša Cesarić (10 January 1902 – 18 December 1980) was a Croatian poet and translator born in Požega.

Teorija o životu uopšte / A theory of life in general

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Šta je život? Rođenje, radost, tuga, odrastanje, bol, ljubav, sreća, patnja, radost, padanje i ustajanje, smrt i šta posle? Večita pitanja: da li život ima smisla, i ako ima koji je to smisao?

Život to sam ja. Bez mene život i ne postoji. Moj život je moj smisao. Ja postojim u ovom životu, na ovoj planeti sa svrhom da živim svoj život najbolje što mogu, na način koji izaberem, a ja sam odabrala ljubav. Uh, pa svi biraju ljubav, reći ćete. Da, svi žele ljubav, ali neki ljudi samo čekaju da im ljubav dođe i nakupe puno negativnih osećanja u tom čekanju, a kada im čekanje dosadi, pristaju na sve. Dok neki, poput mene, krenu na daaalek put u potrazi za ljubavlju. Napatila sam se ja na tom putu, nije da nisam, i plakala i jadikovala i stalno osećala nedostatak te iste ljubavi koju sam tako očajnički tražila, da ne kažem jurila. I malo je falilo da odustanem, da se “pomirim sa sudbinom”, da pristanem na nešto što samo liči na ljubav, ali se brzo istroši. Znate šta je bilo na kraju tog puta? Naišao je princ na belom konju, poljubio me i razbio zle čini… I wish! Ne, ne, ali i to je došlo posle. Posle čega? Posle saznanja da ljubav nije tamo negde i da ljubav ne može niko da mi da; da ljubav nije patnja, da ljubav ne boli, da ljubav nikako ne znači samouništenje zbog nekoga ili nečega. Da se život ne živi zbog drugih i za druge, da je ljubav preduslov života i život sam, da je ljubav u meni, da je ta ljubav veća i od mene i od mog života. Na kraju tog puta sam prihvatila sebe i prigrlila ljubav i rešila da volim, a ne da budem voljena i onda je zaista naišao moj princ, ne baš na belom konju, mada jeste bila zima i padao je sneg kada smo se prvi put poljubili.

I tako, život teče… Uvek me je privlačila ona misao – Život je reka, utopi se ili plivaj! Ono što mi je zadavalo muke, doduše, bilo je što sam veći deo života plivala uzvodno, jer je neko tamo nekada (najverovatnije neki Srbin), rekao da je život težak! Od malena nas mažu ratničkim bojama, a onda odjednom čuješ: uspori, opusti se, uživaj, pomiriši cvet, pogledaj u nebo, poslušaj cvrkut ptica… A ja kažem, filtriraj sve što čuješ, napiši sam svoj scenario, usmeri tu reku  na svoju vodenicu i igraj, igraj, igraj.

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What is life? Birth, joy, sorrow, growing up, pain, love, happiness, suffering, joyfulness, stumbling and rising, death and what next? Eternal questions: does life have meaning, and if so, what is the meaning of life?

Life, it is me. Without me, life does not exist. My life is my meaning. I exist in this life, on this planet with the purpose of living my life the best I can, in the way I choose, and I have chosen love. Uh, well everyone chooses love, you’ll say. Yes, everyone wants love, but some people just wait for love to come to them and accumulate a lot of negative feelings in that wait, and when they get tired of waiting, they agree to everything. While some, like me, set out on a long journey in search of love. I suffered on that journey, it’s not that I didn’t, and I cried and lamented and constantly felt the lack of that same love that I was so desperately looking for, I might as well say chased it. And I almost gave up, I almost “came to terms with my destiny”, almost agreed to something that only looks like love, but quickly wears out. You know what happened at the end of that trip? The prince came on a white horse, kissed me and broke my evil spells… I wish! No, no, but that did come later. After what? After learning that love is not out there somewhere and that no one can give me love; that love is not suffering, that love does not hurt, that love by no means stand for self-destruction for someone or something. That life is not lived for the sake of others and for others, that love is a precondition of life and life itself, that love is in me, that this love is greater than me and my life. At the end of that journey, I accepted myself and embraced love and decided to love, not to be loved, and then my prince really came along, not exactly on a white horse, although it was winter and it was snowing when we first kissed.

And so, life flows… I was always attracted by that thought – Life is a river, drown or swim! What bothered me, however, was that I swam upstream for most of my life, because someone there once (most likely a Serb) said that life is hard! We have been painted with warrior colors since we were little, and then suddenly you hear: slow down, relax, enjoy, smell the flower, look at the sky, listen to the birds chirping… And I say, filter everything you hear, write your own script, direct that river to your mill and play, play, play.

Tijana Stupljanin