Da li brojite svoje godine? / Do you count your years?

Prošlog meseca sam napunila 40 godina. Da li je 40 godina puno ili malo? Ko može na to tačno da odgovori? Ako pitate šestogodišnjaka, rećiće vam da je to previše godina, a ako pitate osamdesetogodišnjaka, on će samo odmahnuti rukom i reći da je to ništa. I stvarno, šta znači broj godina? Šta on određuje? U mnogim društvima kada čovek pređe četrdesetu, otvoreno ili prećutno, smatra se da je već star i da njegov život kreće nizvodnom putanjom. Mislim da je to zastareo i potpuno neopravdan stav, a da ne kažem koliko je štetan! Ja se ne osećam staro, ne izgledam staro, mnogi moji vršnjaci se tek žene i udaju, tek planiraju porodicu, neko tek započinje svoj biznis, iskreno i ja se osećam kao da moj život tek počinje. Sakupila sam svoje greške i uspehe i spremna sam da okrenem novi list.

Neka istraživanja o značenju broja 40 su fascinantna. Postavljaju se pitanja zašto se u pravoslavlju pomen duši daje posle 40 dana, zašto Božićni post traje tačno 40 dana, da li je slučajno Mojsije lutao pustinjom 40 dana, da li je slučajno veliki potop trajao baš 40 dana? Naša poznata književnica Mirjana Đapo, u knjizi „Elysion”[1] pišući o ovom fenomenu, između ostalog, kaže: Uzimajući 40 kao ispunjenje jedne životne faze, Talmud, a kasnije i katolička crkva, označili su ovaj broj kao ’kanonsko doba’ čoveka, što znači da je čovekov intelekt tada najrazvijeniji. Zaista, savremeni psiholozi često uočavaju određene promene u razvoju ličnosti kratko nakon nastanka 40-ih; pogled na biografije poznatih pruža dodatni dokaz za ovakva promišljanja.

Jedna mudrost kaže: neko se rodi star, a neko umre mlad u 101. godini. Za sve u životu postoji pravo vreme, ali se ono ne meri brojem godina. Da li su godine važne? Da, meni jesu, ali ne u onom uobičajenom smislu, sklonija sam da mislim, kao u gore citiranoj rečenici, da su četrdesete važna prekretnica u životu svakog čoveka kada je on spreman da u punoj snazi zasija. Možda je vreme da se neki mostovi spale, možda da se započne nešto potpuno novo, možda da se uvedu neke teške promene, donesu nove odluke, pokrenu neki davno sanjani snovi…

Mislim da je svaka dekada u životu bitna, da nam donosi neke nove izazove, nove uvide. Mi nismo isti sa 11, 25, 30 godina. Menjamo se, sazrevamo, učimo, odrastamo, menjaju se naše želje, naši prioriteti. Jedno je sigurno, čovek u četrdesetim sve teže može da živi po inerciji, ušuškan u laži koje ga žuljaju, žmureći na jedno oko da ne bi poremetio rutinu, ako ništa drugo, ovo je vreme kada i naše telo počne jače da se buni i „tera“ nas da se menjamo. Čini mi se od svega postaje najvažnije kako se zaista osećamo u svojoj koži, u svom životu, a ne kako sve to drugima izgleda.

Na kraju, nekako se vratimo ponovo na početak, prastara mudrost u jednoj rečenici Upoznaj samoga sebe, jer vezu koju gradimo sami sa sobom je temelj svake druge veze i odnosa! Ako uspemo da zaista osetimo svoje telo, poslušamo svoje misli, preispitamo svoje stavove, zavolimo sebe u celosti i prigrlimo glas svoje duše, ne postoji ništa što ne možemo da radimo i sa 55, 67 ili 89 godina. Šta vi mislite o tome? Da li samo brojite svoje godine ili ih živite?

[1] Mirjana Đapo: Elysion: roman. “Arte”, Beograd, 2010.

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Last month I turned 40. Is 40 a lot or not? Who can give a correct answer to that? If you ask a six-year-old, they’ll tell you it is too many years, but if you ask an eighty-years-old, they’ll just shake off their hand and say it’s nothing. And really, what does the number of years mean? What does it determine? In many societies when someone turns 40 it is implied, explicitly or implicitly, that that person is old and that his life is now starting to decline. I think it is outdated and entirely unjustified attitude, not to mention how harmful it is! I do not feel old, I do not look old, many of my peers are just getting married, just starting planning a family, someone is just starting their business, and to be honest I too have a sense that my life is just beginning. I have gathered my mistakes and successes and I am now ready to turn the new page around.

Some researches about the meaning of the number 40 are fascinating. Questions like why in Orthodox Christianity the commemoration to the soul is given 40 days after the death, why the Christmas fasting last for exactly 40 days, is it accidentally that the Moses has wondered through desert for 40 days, did the great flood last for 40 days by chance? Our well-known writer Mirjana Djapo wrote about this phenomenon in her book “Elysion”[i], among other things, she said: Taking 40 as the fulfillment of one stage of life, the Talmud, later the Catholic Church, labeled this number as the ‘canonical age of man’, meaning that man’s intellect is then at its peak. Indeed, modern psychologists often view changes in personality development shortly after turning 40; a look at the biographies of celebrities provides further evidence for such reflections.

A wise man once said: Someone is born old, and someone dies young at 101. In life, there is a right time for everything, only that time is not measured with age. Does age matter? Yes, to me it does matter, but maybe not like in a common sense of it. Similar to the cited sentence above, I am prone to think that forties are an important milestone in every man’s life, when he is ready to shine in his full glory. Maybe now the time has come to burn some old bridges, maybe it’s time to start something entirely new, perhaps some hard changes need to be introduced, some new decisions reached, a long time dreamed dreams should be initiated…

I think that every decade in life is important and that it brings us new challenges, new insights. We are not the same with 11, 25, 30 years. We are changing, developing, maturing, learning, our desires change, our priorities as well. One thing is for sure, man in his 40 can’t no longer live by inertia, tucked into the lies that pock, closing one eye just so you don’t break a routine, if nothing else, this is a time when our bodies start to rebel more “pushing us” to change. Seems like it is becoming more about how I really feel in my own skin, in my life and not how it appears to others.

At the end, we somehow come to the beginning, an ancient wisdom in one sentence: Know thy self, because the relationship that we build with ourselves is the ground stone of every other relationship and commitment! If we can manage truly to feel our bodies, listen to our thoughts, to reconsider our views, love ourselves entirely and embrace the voice of our soul, there is nothing we can’t do even at 55, 67 or 89 years of age. What do you think about that? Do you just count your years or do you live them?

[i] Mirjana Djapo: Elysion: the novel. “Arte”, Belgrade, 2010.

 

Budi posmatrač / Be the observer

Zatvori oči i kreni. Opipavaj u svom ritmu svoje unutrašnje biće, dok ne stigneš do onog udobnog, savršenog mesta gde je sve dobro, lepo, toplo i beskrajno. Nekome pomaže da se zamisli na svom omiljenom mestu, neko se priseća svog najlepšeg momenta sa nekim koga voli, neko poslednjeg trenutka sreće, šta god pomaže u redu je. Kada smo na tom našem mestu, dišemo fino, lagano, počinjemo da primećujemo kako nam srce kuca i tu počinje posmatranje…

Posmatramo sve što se dešava, u nama, na nama, oko nas. Sve je kao na filmskom platnu, a mi smo u udobnoj stolici, opušteni, ali budni, gledamo film.

Postoje različite tehnike, razni učitelji, ali to je ukratko suština meditacije, sedeti u miru i tišini sa sobom i svojim okruženjem i samo posmatrati sve doživljaje kao da nisu naši. Primećuješ, naravno, naleteo je povetarac, mačka je zamjaukala, deca su izašla na odmor, komšija se tušira, utrnula ti je noga, postaje vruće i sl… Suština je da nas ti doživljaji ili događaji ne pogađaju, da ne izazivaju osećanja i misli.

Naravno da nije lako biti samo posmatrač sebe i svog života. Potrebna je vežba, kao za bilo koju veštinu, i upornost. Možda je neko uspeo iz prve? Ja nisam, razmišljala sam uvek puno i o svemu, a kada i uspem da utišam misli iskočila bi neka pesma koje nisam mogla da se otarasim. Srećom, imala sam dobrog učitelja i vežbala sam u kontinuitetu. Iako ne meditiram često, puno mi znači što brzo mogu da stignem na to svoje sveto mesto gde je sve savršeno mirno i ispunjeno ljubavlju, a iz takve pozicije i tihog uma, svaka situacija izgleda bolje i rešenja dolaze brže.

Često u životu ne vidimo šumu od drveća, a često je potrebno iskoračiti iz događaja koji nas okupira i što je više emocija u tom događaju i što su emocije jače, to nam je taj iskorak potrebniji da bismo sagledali širu sliku, umirili osećanja i svoje misli i doneli odluku iz srca, tj. centra svog bića. Takva odluka će možda podići nekoliko leptirića u stomaku, ali nas neće uzburkati, prosto će nam leći i otvoriće se nova vrata i prozori sa svežim izborima i beskrajnim mogućnostima.

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Close your eyes and let’s go. In your own rhythm feel your inner being, until you reach that cozy, perfect place where everything is good, beautiful, warm and endless. For some people it helps to imagine their special place, for someone it is a memory of a wonderful moments spent with someone they love, others think about the last time they were happy, whatever helps it is fine. When we are at that place of ours, we breathe nicely, slowly, we start to notice our heart beats and that’s where the observation begins…

We observe everything that happens inside of us, on our body, around us. Everything is as on a movie screen and we are in a comfy chair, relaxed but awake, watching a movie.

There are different techniques and various teachers, however this is in short the essence of meditation, sitting in peace and quiet with oneself and the surroundings and merely observe experiences as if they do not belong to us. You will notice, of course, the breeze just went by, the cat meowed, the kids just went out on a school break, the neighbor is taking a shower, your leg just went numb, it is getting pretty warm and so on… The key is not to give those experiences and occurrences a significance, don’t allow them to trigger any emotions or thoughts.

Being just an observer of yourself and your life is not an easy task for sure. It takes practice and endurance, as any skill. Maybe someone has succeeded right away? I did’t, I was always thinking about everything and anything, and even when I managed to calm my brain down, a song would pop up out of nowhere and just refused to go away. Luckily, I had a great teacher and I was practicing continuously. Although I do not meditate often, it means a world to me that I can swiftly reach that holy place of mine, where everything is perfectly calm and filled with love, and from such a perspective and a quiet mind, every situation looks better and the solutions come faster.

More often in our lives we fail to see the forest for the trees and many times it is necessary to step out from the event that occupies us. The more emotional the event is and the stronger the emotions are, there is a greater necessity to make that step and perceive the bigger picture, calm down our emotions and thoughts and make a decision from within our heart i.e. from the center of our being. That kind of decision will, perhaps, rise a few butterflies in our stomach, but it will never upset us, it will simply fall into place and open up a new doors and windows of fresh choices and infinite possibilities.

Život je stvar izbora/Life is a matter of choice

Nijedan put kojim se zaputimo u životu nije uzaludan, niti je izabran slučajno i bez razloga. Iz svega učimo i u svemu treba da vidimo smisao – širu sliku. Sve ima svoje značenje i mesto na našem putovanju. Ponovo se vraćam stazom znakova pored puta

Jedan profesor mi je jednom rekao da sami biramo kakvi ćemo biti. Zamislila sam se tada nad tom rečenicom i puno toga shvatila. Ništa nije dato, mi možemo uticati na sve da se promeni i dobije željeni oblik.

Počnimo oblikujući sebe, onako kako želimo, kako će nam biti lagodno u sopstvenoj koži. Počnimo sa tim željenim životom sada, ne čekajući idealne uslove ili da se nešto samo od sebe pojavi. Postavimo sami prilike, iznesimo svoje karte na sto – get dressed for success, a ostalo možemo prepustiti Bogu/Univerzumu/Životu…

Samo usklađeni sa samim sobom možemo promeniti svoj svet. Sami biramo reči kojima ćemo ispisati knjigu svoga života.

Sa verom i ljubavlju živimo život bez straha, do poslednjeg daha.

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Neither path that we choose in life is in vain, nor it is chosen randomly and with no reason. We learn from everything and we should see sense in everything – the big picture. All the things have their place and meaning along our journey. I return again to the lane of the signs aside the road…

A professor once said to me that we ourselves choose the way we are going to be. That sentence got me thinking and I learned a lot from it. Nothing is ever written in stone, we can influence everything to change and get the desired form.

Let’s start with shaping ourselves, the way we want, in a way that we feel most comfortable with in our own skin. Let’s start that desired life right away, let’s not wait for perfect circumstances or for things just to happen. We can make our own chances, set out our cards on the table – get dressed for success, and the rest put into the hands of God/Universe/Life…

Only aligned with our self we can change our world. We alone choose the words with which we will write the book of our life.

With faith and love we live our life with no fear, until the last breath.

 

Ogledalo/The Mirror

 Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?

– The Brothers Grimm, “Snow White”

Magično ogledalce moje, reci na svetu najlepši ko je?

– Braća Grim, “Snežana i sedam patuljaka”

Kada izađeš iz sebe i pogledaš se tuđim očima, da li ti se sviđa osoba koju gledaš? Odgovor uvek treba da bude DA!

Osnovno pravilo – Ne trudi se da budeš onakav kakav misliš da ćeš se drugima svideti! Nikada nećeš postići da se svima svidiš i da te svi cene i vole.

Drugo osnovno pravilo – Trudi se uvek da budeš onakav kakav ćeš se sebi svideti.

Jedina osoba sa kojom treba da se poredimo je naš ideal o sebi samima. To je onaj superheroj koji se krije negde u našoj podsvesti, a od koga crpimo snagu, elan, samopouzdanje, hrabrost i sve one osobine koje su nama važne i kojima stalno stremimo.

Možda jedino iskreno prijateljstvo je ono sa samim sobom. A kada uspeš da budeš zadovoljan sobom i uspeš da dosegneš neki svoj ideal ličnosti i drugi će to umeti da prepoznaju i cene, a tebi više neće biti ni važno njihovo mišljenje.

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When you step out of yourself and see you through someone’s else eyes, do you like who you see? The answer should always be YES!

Main principle – Don’t try to be the person you think other people would like! You will never succeed to be liked by everyone and for everyone to appreciate you and love you.

The other grand rule – Always try to be the person that you would like.

The only person we should compare ourselves to is our own ideal about who we should be. It is that superhero who we hide somewhere in our subconsciousness mind, from who we drive our power, inspiration, self-confidence, courage and all the attributes that are important to us and we keep striving to attain them.

The only true friendship, maybe, is that one you have with yourself. And when you succeed in reaching some of yours personal ideal, other people will know to recognize that and appreciate it but you will no longer care what their opinion really is.

Panta rei… Sve prolazi, sve se menja…/Panta rei… Everything passes, everything changes…

Nemoj se plašiti da izgubiš! U životu nekada nam se čini da nemamo dovoljno, da nikome nije dovoljno stalo do nas, da ne vredimo dovoljno, da ne dobijamo dovoljno… Istina je da imamo samo onoliko koliko smo spremni da damo, da je drugima stalo onoliko koliko je nama samima stalo do nas samih, da vredimo samo onoliko koliko volimo, da dobijamo onoliko koliko možemo da podnesemo.

Život je kao reka, on stalno teče i menja se, jedina konstanta tog kretanja si ti sam. Stoga, ako hoćeš da živiš ispunjen i srećan život, treba i ti da tečeš, da se prilagodiš, naviješ na ritam reke i menjaš. Uhvatiš ritam života i tečeš, skrećeš i okrećeš se onako kako se on uvija, krivuda i teče. Kada postaneš dobar plivač spoznaćeš i svoju kreatorsku moć i shvatiti da ta reka koja te nosi nije stihijska bujica, bez smisla i cilja. Ti si taj koji joj dubiš i oblikuješ korito, određuješ pravac i cilj kretanja. Smisao života si ti!

Život je konstantna promena, poput reke, neprestano teče. Ukoliko mu se opireš, samo se zamaraš i stojiš u mestu, tek kada se prepustiš životnoj sili osetiš punu draž življenja, a nagrada je kada se probudiš u osvit zore, umiješ lice i shvatiš da se tvoja životna reka uliva u more ljubavi…

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Do not be afraid to lose! In life, sometimes, it seems like we don’t have enough, that nobody truly cares about us, that we are not worth enough, that we don’t get enough… The truth is, we have only as much as we are prepared to give, the others care about us as much as we care for ourselves, we are worth as much as we love, we get exactly as much as we can handle.

Life is like a river, constantly flowing and changing, the only constant of that movement is yourself. Thus, if you want to live fulfilled and happy life you should flow as well, adjust, tune yourself up to the rhythm of the river and change. You catch the rhythm of life and flow, you twist and turn the way life curls, curves and flows. When you become a good swimmer, you will realize your creative power and you’ll understand that the river that carries you is not accidental flood, with no sense and purpose. You are the one who carves and shapes its bedrock, designate the way and purpose of its movement. The purpose of life is you!

Life is a never-ending change, like the river, it constantly flows. If you resist to it, you will only get tired and stay at the same place, but when you surrender to the force of life, you feel the full delight of living, and the reward is that when you wake up at the first dawn, wash your face and realize that your river of life flows into the sea of ​​love…