Ringišpil života / Life’s carousel

Život je jedan šareni ringišpil. Čas si na vrhu i rukama možeš da opipaš nebo, a već sledećeg trenutka udišeš prašinu. Često ti je muka od svega i samo želiš da sve stane, da siđeš, ali ipak ponovo se penješ i vrtiš, vrtiš, vrtiš u krug i gore i dole i kad ti se najviše vrti u glavi vrištiš od sreće i zadovoljstva i osećaš se kao na krilima neke ptice sa kojom letiš i nemisleći kuda, samo osećaš da si zadovoljan tu gde jesi.

Bez obzira koliko bilo i mučno i teško, makar i zarad samo jednog takvog trenutka spokojstva, radosti i slobode, vredi se uvek iznova vraćati tom ringišpilu boja i života.

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Life is one colorful carousel. In a second you are on the top of it and you can touch the sky with your hands, and yet at the next moment you can breathe the dust. You are often sick of everything and you just want everything to stop, you are ready to go down, but still you climb and spin again, you spin and spin in a circle and up and down and when everything in your head is spinning the most you scream with happiness and pleasure, and you feel like you are on the wings of a bird you fly with and not thinking where, you just feel satisfied where you are.

No matter how painful and difficult it may be, even if only for the sake of just such a moment of serenity, joy and freedom, it is always worth returning to that carousel of colors and life.

Tijana Stupljanin

Ljubav je važna / Love is essential

Ceo svet može da vas voli, ali vas ta ljubav neće usrećiti. Ono što će vas usrećiti jeste da podelite svu ljubav koja se krije u vama. To je ljubav koja je važna.

The whole world can love you, but that love will not make you happy. The thing that will make you happy is to share all the love hidden within you. That’s the love that matters.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Znaš onaj momenat kada voljena osoba uđe u prostoriju i ona sva zablista, jednostavno sve se ozari, a najviše ti sam. To je trenutak kada vreme uspori svoje disanje, kada sve što radiš, radiš bez napora, bez umora, bez bola, sve je u savršenoj harmoniji. On ti prilazi, spušta dah na tvoje usne, kao da se budiš iz stogodišnjeg sna i više nikada ne moraš da zažmuriš, jer tvoj san je java.

U ljubavi želim bajku! Želim da dotaknem sve svetle trenutke života, da se ogrejem o čestice prefinjene, tanane sreće, koje vidimo samo ja i moja zaljubljena duša. Želim da se ogledam u očima lepšim od svake lepote, sjajnijim od bisera i većim od svake dobrote. Hrabriju, pametniju, bolju osobu od sebe tražim, da je volim i da svetlim u trenucima čiste sreće u njegovoj duši od ljubavi što plamti, što stvara život i tka san o nas dvoje i večnoj sreći, jer smo jedno drugom sve, i dan i noć i zvezde i sunce i pun mesec u tamnoj noći…

Ljubav je sve.

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You know that moment when your loved one enters the room and the whole room lights up, everything simply shines, and you the most. In that instant the time slows its breathing and everything that you are doing, you do it effortlessly, tirelessly, painlessly, with everything in a perfect harmony. He approaches, leans his breath on your lips, it’s like you are waking up from the hundred years of sleep and you don’t have to close your eyes ever again, because your dream is now reality.

From love, I want a fairytale! I want to touch all the bright moments of life and to warm up on that refined particles of tiny happiness visible only to me and my soul in love. I wish to mirror myself in the eyes more beautiful than any beauty, shiner than pearls and greater than any kindness. I look for braver, smarter, better person than I am, to love and to shine in the moments of pure bliss in his soul flaming with love, that creates life and weaves the dream about the two of us and the eternal happiness, for, one to another we are everything, the day and the night and the stars and the sun and full moon in the darkest night…

Love is all.

Tijana Stupljanin

Jedan trenutak u životu / One moment in life

Duboko spoznajte da je sadašnji trenutak sve što ikada imate. – Ekart Tol

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.  – Eckhart Tolle

U trenutku kada sam postala zaista svesna da ću za par meseci postati majka, prva misao me je odvela u moje detinjstvo, u naručje majke. To je bio trenutak kada se sva snaga, sva veličina, sva ljubav svih majki pre mene pretočila u jedan savršeni momenat u kome sam prvi put razumela značenje te tako često i olako izgovarane reči, koje se ne može objasniti, mora se doživeti.

Miriše mamina kuhinja, kao nikada do sada. Miriše nostalgija. Najbolji je sadašnji trenutak, znam to i osećam, ipak zaplovim ponekad po nekim prošlim vremenima… Odrastemo ostajući deca celoga života, strepimo od pogrda i prekih pogleda, žudimo za rečima odobravanja, razumevanja, za ljubavlju besprekornom, punom prihvatanja. Mirišu dunje mog detinjstva. Tople ruke što su me kroz život vodile. Napijem se vode sa tog izvora sećanja i krenem putem slobode… Dolazi vreme promena, vreme da stope mojih koraka ispune meke, bose, dečije nožice…

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At the moment when I got to be really aware that I would become a mother in a couple of months, the first thought I had has taken me to my childhood, to my mother’s arms. It was a moment when all the strength, all the greatness, all the love of all the mothers before me was transformed into one perfect moment in which I for the first time understood the meaning of that so often and lightly spoken word, that cannot be explained, it must be experienced.

Like never before it smells like mom’s kitchen. It smells like nostalgia. The present moment is the best, I know and feel it, yet I sail sometimes through some past times… We grow up remaining children all our lives, we dread ragging and harsh looks, we long for words of approval, understanding, for impeccable love, full of acceptance. It smells like the quinces of my childhood. The warm hands that guided me through life. I drank water from that source of memory and I set out on the path of freedom… The time of change is coming, the time for the footsteps of my steps to be filled with soft, bare, children’s feet…

Tijana Stupljanin

Život teče sam od sebe / Life flows on its own

Gledam svog malog andjela kako slatko spava, napućila je ustašca, ručice podigla visoko iznad glave, nešto sanja…

Razmišljam danima o svim strahovima, nadama, željama i opet strahovima, o sebi, o prošlosti i budućnosti, o životu. I kao i uvek u takvim trenucima, nemirnog sam uma, misli igraju svoju igru sumnje i zabluda, srce se plaši. Sve procenjujem, sve vagam. Više u telu nego u duši živim taj raspolućeni život i čekam da oluja prođe, da se misli stišaju, razbistre, da mogu neku pouku da izvučem, neku novu lekciju otpišem…

Sve počinje iznutra, iz jezgra, iz suštine i kad sazri pronadje svoj put napolje, izbije na površinu…

To mi daje i snagu i nadu da istrajem, da zaronim u sebe i počupam sav korov koji me pritiska i vuče ka dnu, jer znam da ću okupana svetlošću svoje duše izroniti jača, čistija i bolja.

A život teče, po nekom svom naumu i redu, i istrpi, na kraju, sve prepreke, sva skretanja koja mu nudim, iz straha da ne zalutam, iz buke uma koju ne mogu uvek da ugušim, tek po nekoj slutnji utišanog srca, čujem njegov šum koji me doziva da mu se prepustim. Vraćam mu se, na sreću, uvek, jer život je veći od nas samih i dešava se bili mi spremni ili ne.

Ranije sam mislila da je život težak, tako sam slušala valjda od starijih, i mislila sam da mu se treba suprotstavljati, boriti se za ono što želim po svaku cenu… Neke cene su ipak bile preskupe, a želje pogrešno protumačene. Istina je u staroj poslovici “sila Boga ne moli”, jer suprotstavljajući se tom toku, sputavamo i svoje želje i udaljavamo se od Boga i njegove zamisli. Dugo mi je trebalo da shvatim i prihvatim, istinu koju sam oduvek slutila iskonskom pameću, da je Bog ustvari dobar i da nam je namenio mnogo više i bolje nego što možemo da zamislimo ograničenim umom, zastrašenim srcem, ovim vremenom i prostorom.

A naša duša, naš suštinski život, beskonačan je i neuhvatljiv. O njemu su svi naši snovi, sve nade. On je od čiste mašte sazdan. Potrebno je samo voleti i verovati…

Zato večeras grlim svoju dušu, ljubim svoj život i zahvaljujem Bogu na svemu… i molim se da me ne napusti, ni sad, ni ikad, jer jedina stalna borba koju vredi voditi u ovom životu jeste borba za stišavanje uma i jačanje vere u sam život.

Celivam te poljupcima svoga srca!

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I am watching my little angel sleep sweetly, she has puffed her tiny mouth, raised her arms high above her head, she is dreaming something…

I am thinking for days now about all the fears, hopes, desires and again fears, about myself, about the past and the future, about life. And as always in such moments, my mind is restless, thoughts play their game of doubt and delusion, the heart is afraid. I evaluate everything, I weigh everything. I live that half-through life more in my body than in my soul and I am waiting for the storm to pass, for my thoughts to calm down, for me to clear up, for me to learn a lesson, to write off another lesson…

It all starts from the inside, from the core, from the essence and when it matures it finds its way out, it comes to the surface…

It gives me both strength and hope to persevere, to dive into myself and pull out all the weeds that presses me and drags me to the bottom, because I know that bathed in the light of my soul, I will emerge stronger, purer and better.

And life flows, fallowing his own plan and order, and endures, in the end, all obstacles, all the turning points I offer him, fearing of getting lost, out of the noise of the mind that I can’t always suffocate. Only by some intuition of a quiet heart, I hear his noise calling me to surrender to him. Fortunately, I always come back to him, because life is bigger than ourselves and it happens whether we are ready or not.

Some costs, however, were too high, and the wishes were misinterpreted. The truth is in the old proverb “the power does not pray the God “, because by opposing that flow, we also restrain our desires and distance ourselves from the God and his idea. It took me a long time to understand and accept, the truth that I have always sensed in the primordial mind, that the God is actually good and has intended for us far more and much better things than we can imagine with our limited mind, a frightened heart, with this time and space.

And our soul, our essential life, is infinite and elusive. All our dreams, all our hopes are about it. It is made out of pure imagination. You just have to love and believe…

So tonight, I am hugging my soul, I am loving my life and I thank the God for everything… and I pray that he does not leave me, not now or ever, because the only constant struggle worth fighting in this life is the struggle to calm the mind and strengthen the faith in life itself.

I am kissing you with the kisses of my heart!

Tijana Stupljanin