Teorija o životu uopšte / A theory of life in general

Šta je život? Rođenje, radost, tuga, odrastanje, bol, ljubav, sreća, patnja, radost, padanje i ustajanje, smrt i šta posle? Večita pitanja: da li život ima smisla, i ako ima koji je to smisao?

Život to sam ja. Bez mene život i ne postoji. Moj život je moj smisao. Ja postojim u ovom životu, na ovoj planeti sa svrhom da živim svoj život najbolje što mogu, na način koji izaberem, a ja sam odabrala ljubav. Uh, pa svi biraju ljubav, reći ćete. Da, svi žele ljubav, ali neki ljudi samo čekaju da im ljubav dođe i nakupe puno negativnih osećanja u tom čekanju, a kada im čekanje dosadi, pristaju na sve. Dok neki, poput mene, krenu na daaalek put u potrazi za ljubavlju. Napatila sam se ja na tom putu, nije da nisam, i plakala i jadikovala i stalno osećala nedostatak te iste ljubavi koju sam tako očajnički tražila, da ne kažem jurila. I malo je falilo da odustanem, da se “pomirim sa sudbinom”, da pristanem na nešto što samo liči na ljubav, ali se brzo istroši. Znate šta je bilo na kraju tog puta? Naišao je princ na belom konju, poljubio me i razbio zle čini… I wish! Ne, ne, ali i to je došlo posle. Posle čega? Posle saznanja da ljubav nije tamo negde i da ljubav ne može niko da mi da; da ljubav nije patnja, da ljubav ne boli, da ljubav nikako ne znači samouništenje zbog nekoga ili nečega. Da se život ne živi zbog drugih i za druge, da je ljubav preduslov života i život sam, da je ljubav u meni, da je ta ljubav veća i od mene i od mog života. Na kraju tog puta sam prihvatila sebe i prigrlila ljubav i rešila da volim, a ne da budem voljena i onda je zaista naišao moj princ, ne baš na belom konju, mada jeste bila zima i padao je sneg kada smo se prvi put poljubili.

I tako, život teče… Uvek me je privlačila ona misao – Život je reka, utopi se ili plivaj! Ono što mi je zadavalo muke, doduše, bilo je što sam veći deo života plivala uzvodno, jer je neko tamo nekada (najverovatnije neki Srbin), rekao da je život težak! Od malena nas mažu ratničkim bojama, a onda odjednom čuješ: uspori, opusti se, uživaj, pomiriši cvet, pogledaj u nebo, poslušaj cvrkut ptica… A ja kažem, filtriraj sve što čuješ, napiši sam svoj scenario, usmeri tu reku  na svoju vodenicu i igraj, igraj, igraj.

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What is life? Birth, joy, sorrow, growing up, pain, love, happiness, suffering, joyfulness, stumbling and rising, death and what next? Eternal questions: does life have meaning, and if so, what is the meaning of life?

Life, it is me. Without me, life does not exist. My life is my meaning. I exist in this life, on this planet with the purpose of living my life the best I can, in the way I choose, and I have chosen love. Uh, well everyone chooses love, you’ll say. Yes, everyone wants love, but some people just wait for love to come to them and accumulate a lot of negative feelings in that wait, and when they get tired of waiting, they agree to everything. While some, like me, set out on a long journey in search of love. I suffered on that journey, it’s not that I didn’t, and I cried and lamented and constantly felt the lack of that same love that I was so desperately looking for, I might as well say chased it. And I almost gave up, I almost “came to terms with my destiny”, almost agreed to something that only looks like love, but quickly wears out. You know what happened at the end of that trip? The prince came on a white horse, kissed me and broke my evil spells… I wish! No, no, but that did come later. After what? After learning that love is not out there somewhere and that no one can give me love; that love is not suffering, that love does not hurt, that love by no means stand for self-destruction for someone or something. That life is not lived for the sake of others and for others, that love is a precondition of life and life itself, that love is in me, that this love is greater than me and my life. At the end of that journey, I accepted myself and embraced love and decided to love, not to be loved, and then my prince really came along, not exactly on a white horse, although it was winter and it was snowing when we first kissed.

And so, life flows… I was always attracted by that thought – Life is a river, drown or swim! What bothered me, however, was that I swam upstream for most of my life, because someone there once (most likely a Serb) said that life is hard! We have been painted with warrior colors since we were little, and then suddenly you hear: slow down, relax, enjoy, smell the flower, look at the sky, listen to the birds chirping… And I say, filter everything you hear, write your own script, direct that river to your mill and play, play, play.

Tijana Stupljanin

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